10 Reasons Why Fall is Actually the Worst Season
Every day in the Fall is objectively worse than the day before it. Obviously Winter days suck the most, but at least it's getting lighter each day after December. Fall is just one big long drawn-out leadup to the Winter ultrasuck.
Fall is like the stressful, agonizing buildup to Finals or going to the gym or something; in a way, at least when you're doing the actual worse thing (taking the test, running on the treadmill) it'll be over eventually.
All the classic Fall activities -- hayrides, apple picking, etc. (Actually I don't know what etc is here, I think the only Fall activities are those two things. Man, Fall sucks. But anyway) -- are stuff that people only do because they just "are" the Fall activities, not because they're anything anyone would actually consider doing any other time of the year.
Could you imagine in the middle of the summer during beach weather being like, "Hey, want to drive 90 minutes upstate to ride around a hilly farm? We can drink! Also we can drink here or literally anywhere else, but like, there is also hay!"
At least apple picking is seasonal; hay is sitting around all year and no one gives a shit except for like three specific weeks in October, when they suddenly the most give a shit. Drop the marketing act, Fall.
EVERY SINGLE YEAR when it gets dark out in the 4:00 range, it's miserable and your brain cannot wrap your head around the fact that it's literally pitch black out at 4:38 in the afternoon. But then if you try to complain, you sound like an idiot, because it happens every year and you should be used to it by now, but you're somehow not, and you begin to wonder how you ever made it through these five-month stretches of darkness in the past and question if your entire memory is actually a Matrix-esque manufactured reality and this current season is the first time you're ACTUALLY confronted these stupid sunsets because surely it wasn't THIS bad every year in the past, right?
IT'S DARK WHEN YOU LEAVE AND COME HOME??
When it's warm out and you sneak into work or class late, at least there's some plausible deniability about your lateness -- you could have arrived early, been there this whole time, then just briefly went to the bathroom, as you often do about 35 minutes into your workday, right?? But wearing your nylon pullover to the bathroom? Uh... maybe you get real cold when you take a shit? Ehh, nah, just admit you
This happens in Winter too, but at least then you can be like, "Sorry I'm late, everything was all, y'know, frozen and shit," and people will just accept it because they were also late because everyone was laying in warm bed for 30 extra minutes and no one judges anyone.
There's nothing wrong with some nice breezy, 50s sweatshirt weather! Except for the fact that every day is going to be this or way way worse literally every single day for the next five months.
'Sweater weather' is great when it's a break from crazy humidity, but it's not so great when it's a chilling harbinger of the season of frozen death you're plummeting towards.
Pumpkin-spiced stuff is delicious! But man, it's a pretty sad feeling when, in the middle of your second pumpkin-spiced beer on a night in early October, you begin to think "uhoh, I think that's probably enough pumpkin taste for the year..." and you want to switch back to regular beers, but you also don't want to immediately give up on the ONE food novelty provided by Fall.
Not to mention, Facebook and Twitter turn into this weird endless cycle of people declaring their love for pumpkin spiced stuff, people making fun of people for liking pumpkins spiced stuff (huh?), and layers of weird ironic tweets kind of making fun of people who like pumpkin spiced stuff, or something?
In fairness to Fall, Twitter is like that about every event or news story, but the pumpkin-spiced hubbub is so predictable and so weirdly specific every year, it's almost an event. (Seriously, could you imagine getting MAD about people enjoying things that are pumpkin spiced?)
Your costume sucked last year but you weren't worried because you knew you'd think of a good one in the next TWELVE months. And now Halloween is six days away and you still have nothing. How did a YEAR go by? Why didn't you just set aside 20 minutes in March to consider this, or something??
Ok. Punting on the costume again. But NEXT year...
Fall! New TV shows!!! THOUSANDS OF THEM!!!
Now take your pick between randomly deciding to watch a new show and risk it getting canceled or being terrible, or waiting months until friends you trust begin to recommend which shows are actually good, and just feel constantly behind.
Having so many great tv shows constantly being made and being easily accessible at all times is TOUGH, right??
After six-plus months of baseball, the season crescendoes with the thrilling Fall Classic! And inevitably, one fanbase wins and is excited, one fanbase loses and is furious, and every other fanbase has angrily moved on from baseball season and onto football / basketball / hockey, so the winning fans can't even gloat properly. Basically after 8 months of the sport, everyone comes out unhappy, apathetic, or triumphant but hated.
Fall fever, baby! Catch it!
(Ok, fine, Winter is actually the worst season. But we all KNOW Winter sucks and you can get out of plans or doing anything by just shrugging and saying "it sucks out" and no one will disagree. Fall is the COVERTLY shitty season.)
