1. This is going to be your way in

When a group of people laugh, people will instinctively look at the person they feel closest to in that group.

Read: wanna know who wants to bone who? Look at who they look at when everyone laughs.

2. Use it to your advantage

If you get yourself to be really happy and excited to see other people, they will react the same to you. It doesn’t always happen the first time, but it will definitely happen next time.

3. Eye contact is key

If you ask someone a question and they only partially answer just wait. If you stay silent and keep eye contact they will usually continue talking.

4. ARE YOU PUMPED

The moment your alarm wakes you up, immediately react by sitting up, pump your fists and shout “YEAH!”

5.*theycan’tseemetheycan’tseeme*

If you publicly pass audible gas close your eyes so no one can see you.

6. Look at feet

Pay attention to people’s feet. If you approach two people in the middle of a conversation, and they only turn their torsos and not their feet, they don’t want you to join in the conversation. Similarly if you are in a conversation with a coworker who you think is paying attention to you and their torso is turned towards you but their feet are facing in another direction, they want the conversation to end.

You should check out Carol Kinsey Goman’s research on these types of things in the workplace.

7. Inspirational

1. Demonstrate value
2. Engage physically
3. Nurture dependence
4. Neglect emotionally
5. Inspire hope
6. Separate entirely

8. This is how you walk in NYC

Avoid the sidewalk shuffle by looking intently over the person’s shoulder, or between people’s heads in a group. Your gaze shows them where you’re going. They’ll drift toward the opposing side / create a gap to avoid you.

9. Gradual commitment

Foot-in-the-door phenomenon. People are more likely to agree to do a task for you if you ask them to do something simpler first.

10. A customer yells in your ear? You’re on the frontlines, man, take this shit, you’re in no-man’s land

The physical affects of stress (increased breathing rate, heart rate, etc) mirrors the physical effects of courage. So when you’re feeling stress from any situation, immediately reframe it : your body is getting ready to do something courageous, not feeling stress.

11. Mirrors are scary

For anyone in customer service (or works for many different situations, but CS is a big one) put a mirror behind you at the counter. This way angry customers who approach you will have to see themselves in the mirror behind you and the chances of them behaving irrationally lowers significantly. No one wants to see themselves act like a dickhead.

12. Just soften your gaze

When you first meet people try to notice their eye colour while also smiling at them. It might be because you look for a second or two longer, but all I can tell you is that people really respond to it.

13. The power of security and suggestion‘

For interviews I recommend altering your psychological state beforehand. Tell yourself “I’ve known these people all my life. We’re old friends catching up. I can’t wait to see them.” Visualize the experience, shaking hands, making eye contact, having conversation. What things can you not to wait to tell them? Hold an open pose…stand with your legs apart, hands on your hips, and shoulders back while doing this and SMILE. This may sound cliche but you are in charge of your own psychological state and the power of suggestion is strong.

14. Placing emotion in inanimate objects give it power

Don’t get physically pissed off at inanimate objects.

15. SHAME THEM

My personal favourite is when people are angry at me; if I stay calm it’ll get them even angrier, and be ashamed about it after.

16. They’re so confused

After a person breaks up with someone, they are at their most vulnerable state for manipulation because of the flood of emotions. This could be used for the good or evil purposes.

17. Make them or break them – you have the power

People have a certain image of themselves and will fight tooth and nail to cling to it. Use this information wisely.

18. This is key

People will remember not what you said but how you made them feel.

Also most people like talking about themselves so ask lots of questions about them.

19. This is how you get expert level

Always be honest so when you have to lie, people will believe you.

20. The more you say, the more opportunities for them to change their minds

In sales, (though I guess it could be applied in other ways) once you make the sales pitch, don’t say anything else.

My boss at an old job was training me and just giving me pointers. I was working at a gym trying to sell memberships. He told me that once I got all the small talk out of the way and presented the prices, that the first person to talk will lose. It didn’t seem like a big deal but it actually worked. Often there were long periods of awkward silence as the person tried to come up with some excuse, but usually they bought. It was quite impressive actually.

21. Replace your personality

You are in control of your emotions, and thoughts.

Try replacing some immediate responses. Tell yourself you’re happy about something, or you’re excited. Eventually your brain will end up believing it.

That’s the same for being down, and that’s why you should never try to diagnose yourself. Saying you’re depressed, or have social anxiety would end up with you being more anxious, and more depressed.

You won’t notice it at first, but over a few months it will have a pretty noticeable effect on your personality.

22. Kill them with kindness

When I worked in retail, I had a tendency to get real curt with rude customers. When I realized I was just taking the bait, I decided to be super nice even when they would get openly hostile. Some of them would get even crazier and they looked like tools.

23. Wow that’s interesting

If you ask someone to do you a small favour, cognitive dissonance will make them believe that because they did that favour, they therefore must like you.

After all, why would they help someone they disliked?

24. Have your hands down your pants

The best one I ever heard was, apparently, if you have a warm hand when you shake somebody’s hand, you immediately become a more desirable person to get along with.

25. Start high, settle in the middle

• Stand up straight, no slouching, hands out of pockets, and head held up high. It’s not just a cliche — you literally feel better and people around you feel more confident in you.
• Not always a must, but try to dress well for important occasions (including interviews). If you look good, you feel good; and if you feel good, you’ll do good.
• In a negotiation setting, always start by anchoring, meaning start on a more radical extreme end of what you expect to get. That way, you and the other side can work to that result, rather than you locking yourself out of it.
• Avoid saying “I think,” and “I believe” unless absolutely necessary. These are phrases that do not evoke confidence, and will literally do you no good.
• When playing a game of cards with casual players, mutter to yourself the exact opposite of what you want to happen. So if you want your opponent to fold, then mutter, “Please don’t fold, please don’t fold…” An overwhelming amount of times, the opponent will fall for the bait.
• When feeling anxious, clean up your house/apartment. You will feel happier and more accomplished than before.

From an academic standpoint, this is mostly just armchair psychology; but from a real-world standpoint, these have all worked very well in my personal and professional lives.

26. Smile often

If you make the biggest smile you can, you will automatically feel happier.

27. Be sure of yourself

Make it a practice to get rid of filler words and phrases such as Uh, Um, Like, ‘You know”, etc. Instead use short pauses to gather your thoughts before speaking (though avoid Shatner style pauses). Using filler words keys whoever you’re talking to that you are thinking about what you’re saying, leaving them out makes these ‘thinking spots’ less noticeable (since you aren’t essentially announcing to the world that you are thinking) and makes you seem more sure of yourself.

28. Remember those names

Refer to people you’ve just met by their name. People loving being referred to by their name, and it will establish a sense of trust and friendship right away.

Say your friend introduced you to Peter. After 5 minutes he decides to leave. Don’t just say, “bye”, but instead say “Bye Peter!”

29. This is confidence

The key to confidence is walking into a room, and assuming everyone already likes you.

30. Stop talking shit, alright?

Promise yourself you’ll never talk shit about other people. Even when the people around you are talking shit, even when you agree with the shit they’re saying. You don’t have to make a big deal of it, just don’t partake in it.

Once people get the idea you’re not into saying mean shit about other people behind their backs, the amount of shit they talk around you will decrease. It isn’t fun to talk shit unless everybody’s talking shit. Your decision to stop talking shit and their eventual reaction to you not reciprocating the shit talking will positively affect both of you, as well as your relationship.

I don’t know, for me, since I made this change in how I interact with people the amount and quality of my friendships has grown. People will trust you more if they haven’t listened to you gossip about other people. You will be seen as more a more positive person than other friends who do talk shit. The gap gossiping used to fill will be replaced with way more interesting and/or intimate conversation too.

31. The most important thing you’ll read today

I currently work for the Federal government, and used to work in a high profile office, which reported directly to parliament. After years surrounded by important people, Media coverage and generally feeling way over my head, here are a few things I learned along the way:

• Fake it till you make it; confidence is more important than knowledge.
• Don’t be intimidated by anyone, everyone is playing a role and wearing a mask.
• Don’t be afraid to ask questions; it makes you look interested, and you will learn something. Anything can be learnt if you put the effort in. Everything anyone knows, they learned along the way.
• Everyone, even the president. Ask open-ended questions to move conversations along. Learn the difference between open and closed questions.
• Along the same line, learn to argue for and against a variety of topics. If you can do this, you can take any position on any matter. Being able to argue a point is the basis of persuasion and learning.
• When you are having a conversation, use open body posture. Learn the difference between open and closed body language. When you feel uncomfortable, mirror the other person’s body language.
• Learn how to paraphrase and summarize, to ensure understanding and avoid mis-communications. Along the same line, if you are going to use a telephone, record yourself talking. Are you difficult to understand? Do you talk fast? Etc. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person.
• Knowledge is power. Don’t just learn how to do your job, learn why it has to be done a certain way. Improve on it if you can. Demonstrate your knowledge to your bosses, it will get you noticed.
• Go to your managers with solutions, instead of problems. Make their job easier, learn how they work, and then ride their coattails up the ladder.
• Your attitude is everything. Learn how to deal with stress without changing your behavior. Doing a high stress job is one thing, doing it while making it seem seamless is another. This is also why knowledge is important – the more you know, the more confident you become, and the better you look.
• Learn Etiquette. It might seem stupid, but it is the basis of common business courtesy, and it DOES make a difference.
• Never burn a bridge! Your old manager might someday be your new director!
• Build a network, become their information source, and let them be yours. Even grabbing a beer with a former colleague once a year will keep you in the loop at the old office. Former co-workers might have gotten a new position in that office you always wanted to work in, great! Go to them for a beer, and ask about the office. It’s all about connections and information.
• Find your allies. There are some people who will sink you, but there are some people looking out for you. Once you are confident that someone is your ally, relax a bit and use foul language, or say something inappropriate to them once in a while (not harassment, just a bad joke, etc. something that is not ‘the norm’ in the office setting). This way, you are ‘letting them into your little click, and they will feel like a friend and look out for you.
• Never, ever, ever gossip if you can help it. It’s the bane of the office setting.Theworst thing that can happen to you in an office setting, is having people often saying : ‘well, Tim said that…’ Better to stay out of it.
• If you want to find out if you can trust someone, you can; repeat already heard gossip while changing one key fact, ask them to keep it quiet. See if it comes back to you. If it does, cross that person off the ‘trust’ list. This should only be used when necessary…once you find an ally, you should stick with them. In all honesty, I only end up really trusting 1 out of every 20 or 30 people. Most people can’t keep their mouth shut unfortunately.
• Never, ever, tell anyone anything you don’t want repeated. Practice this; it’s harder than it looks.
• This is especially good during meetings as no one wants to get called out as being wrong. Making yourself the target also leaves the floor open for others to pipe in, instead of targeting poor John directly.
• Admit your mistakes and try to fix them head on. No one likes a weasel.
• Learn where to find all relevant policies/laws etc. You don’t need to know all the answers, just where to find them!
• If you have an issue with a coworker, go talk to them directly and privately before doing anything else. Chances are you can work things out, and if not, then you can go to the managers saying you tried to fix it first and foremost. This is also an often used question during interviews: “What would you do if you saw someone stealing office supplies…”
• Explain to them that their actions are unfortunately placing you in a bad position and you want to work with them, or else you will be forced to report them due to the position they placed you in. Let them try and figure out the solution.
• If you are ever in a heated situation, avoid the use of the word “you!” It is accusatory and will not help. Instead say, “I feel…” and go from there (practice it first, I swear it’s awesome!) Example: “I feel frustrated by the situation because…” No one can deny what you feel, and it is a great starting point to find a solution.
• Companies love acronyms! A great step forward in any new position is to learn those acronyms asap. It may be stupid, but it’s even dumber to be left in the dark. Ask someone for a “Frequently Used Acronym” list, and then learn them all! Not that much of a big deal you say? Let’s look at the benefits. You will immediately better understand the conversations around you, without asking what X means, or what Y means, or learning the actual material yet. Again, build on communication strengths, and break down barriers. Knowing that Jack is talking about the Communications Oversight Committee is way better than knowing he is talking about the COC. What the hell is the COC? Learning all acronyms is like a cheat sheet to the company lingo, and is one of the easiest thing to do right away, with some of the most benefit, which leads me to…
• The most important reason to learn acronyms – People love to feel important, and using acronyms is one way people remind themselves how important and clever they really are. Hell, their purpose is to save time during conversations, for people who feel that they are important enough that their time is worth saving!
• Using acronyms will also allow you you to better integrate into the new group, and seem more confident!
• As well, who uses acronyms the most? That’s right, the bosses and execs, etc. Not only will you be better informed if you know your acronyms, you can also impress the higher ups with your knowledge when you ask (open ended!) questions chock full of those acronyms, right from the start of your new job.