Ranking the 8 Cheesiest 80s Movie Montages of All Time
The following is a thorough and completely arbitrary ranking of my favorite extremely specific film phenomenon: The 80s Movie Montage. Rankings are based on the objective, scientific critera of "Total Aggregate 80sness." Enjoy!
8. Footloose - Learning To Dance
Footloose is already in the Overwhelming 80sness Hall Of Fame simply for the Kevin Bacon warehouse scene, but the movie actually includes an EVEN MORE absurdly 80s-ey montage where he teaches the locals to dance that hits all the 80s montage staples: Happy synthesizers, gradual improvement, reaction shots of Kevin Bacon shaking his head in a "they'll never get this right!" way, passage of time leading into a sunset, you name it!
If that's the "dancing" John Lithgow wanted to ban, I can totally see his argument. How is that fun for any of these characters? Either way, nice sticktoitiveness, KB!
KEY MOMENT - Whatever this is:
"Hey John Lithgow Preacher Guy, what you do think of THIS???"
"Uh... is that dancing? I guess I'm... against it, then? Technically?"
7. Ghostbusters - Theme Song
This is the classic "show the characters getting more and more famous" montage, as the Ghostbusters skyrocket from having one client ever to being on the cover of Time, every NY Newspaper, Casey Kasem's countdown, and being interviewed by a still-old-looking-even-then Larry King:
All of this does whimsically gloss over the fact that the entire world is REMARKABLY okay with the knowledge that GHOSTS ARE REAL AND ARE EVERYWHERE.
KEY MOMENT - The never-not-awkward Dan Aykroyd ghost BJ:
I've seen this movie probably around 100 times, and every time this scene happens there's an awkward "ohhh yeah, forgot this happens!" realization. Wonder who pitched this scene?
6. Teen Wolf - "Win In The End"
The Michael J. Fox magnum opus Teen Wolf concludes with a climactic basketball scene where the titular wolfman heroically decides to play the game as HIMSELF, not as a suddenly-very-good-at-basketball lycanthrophe. What's most striking about this big triumphant ending, besides the thumping synth beat, is the fact that the montage is SO FUCKING LONG. It's basically a basketball game in realtime, complete with guys missing shots and the 'bad guy' team still scoring some points so it's not too unbelievably uplifting.
Also note that Michael J. Fox is wearing #42, since he's basically the Jackie Robinson of Wolfmen:
KEY MOMENT - Francis from Pee Wee's Big Adventure knocks down a clutch free throw to ignite the comeback montage:
See? MJF playing as a human is so inspiring, even the shitty Pee Wee villain turns into friggin' Robert Horry.
(Random Sidenote: That "Win In The End" song sounds a LOT like the Strokes' "Machu Picchu". We can discuss this in a separate list of Strokes Songs That Sound Like Inspirational Wolf Movie Themes.)
5. Better Off Dead - Learning To Ski
Obviously Better Off Dead has a ridiculous 80s montage, but what's most striking about this classic "main character learning the sport" montage is just how INSTANTLY proficient he is at it. John Cusack falls down the mountain once, gets up, then it cuts to a montage where he'simmediately an expert:
Also, that is some serious "Troy McClure as Jebediah Springfield " caliber stunt-double face-hiding right there. That's definitely John Cusack doing all of those tricks.
KEY MOMENT - The character couldn't stand on skiis thirty seconds ago, now this:
4. Rocky IV - "Hearts on Fire"
The ULTIMATE 80s training montage, period. Cold War backdrop, super-80s song with a really vague but uplifting phrase as the chorus, unbeatable Russian taking steroids, you name it!
I also love that Rocky is the scrappy underdog who has to lift logs and chop wood and shit while Drago has a state-of-the-art training facility. Rocky's the friggin' champion of the world! He's a millionaire and could train wherever he wants. But he chooses the gritty outdoorsness to bring him back to his HUMBLE ROOTS as a... farmer in downtown Philly? U-S-A! U-S-A!
KEY MOMENT - This GIF was basically the entire pitch for Rocky IV:
Hell yeah! You're goin' DOWN, steroid-ass Soviet dude! Rocky ripped your photo UPPPPPPPP.
3. The Breakfast Club - Dance Montage
When it comes to pure unadulterated "80sness per second", few moments in history can contend with the random dance montage in the middle of The Breakfast Club:
Would these characters actually enjoy this? Why are a nerd, an outcast who hates everything, and a varsity wrestler suddenly so inspired by a song that they're moved to act out exhuberant, choreographed dances? There's no way Anthony Michael Hall guy enjoys dancing. I'm sorry. Otherwise everything in this movie makes sense + is perfect.
KEY MOMENT - Take THAT, THE MAN:
Between this and Footloose, the 80s really did have a soft spot for the "dancing as rebellion" metaphor. Did you know the original ending of Predator was Arnold exploding the predator with extremely defiant b-boy moves? Then he running-mans Carl Weathers' arm back onto his body. All of this is true.
2. The Karate Kid - "You're The Best Around"
The absolute pinnacle of uplifting 80s montages. Ultra 80s song with a broad uplifting message, the hero increasingly triumphing, tons of bitchy cutaways to the villains, and Mr. Miyagi looking on with solemn approval. To this day, I picture this montage in my head any time I'm close to accomplishing anything triumphant, like a successful 15 minute jog or buying a fruit:
KEY MOMENT - Growing up, I used to think this random fat dude from Cobra Kai getting kicked was the funniest thing I've ever seen, and 20+ years later, I still do:
THAT MOVE BEFORE HE GETS KICKED! Just perfect fight choreography. One of the 5 greatest scenes in cinematic history. Not even sure what the other ones are and don't care.
1. Scarface - "Push It To The Limit"
When you re-watch Better Off Dead or The Breakfast Club, you go in fully expecting some deliciously cheesy 80s ridiculousness, but when you watch Scarface -- the oddly-revered ultraviolent Brian De Palma crime drama -- you aren't expecting THE CHEESIEST 80S MONTAGE OF ALL TIME. The music, the lyrics, the closeups of the money, the clothes, the crooked 80s banker dude, the self-portrait -- it's just a flawless tapestry of 80s movieness:
That song is ALREADY the South Park parody of itself. Could you even exaggerate it if you tried? Everything about it is perfect.
KEY MOMENT - Scarface buys a fucking TIGER:
Presumably this scene is meant to show you how overly indulgent and messianic Tony Montana has become, but in truth, buying a tiger is the only cool thing the character does in the entire movie. Seriously, he should've just quit crime right then and hung out with the tiger. The movie and his life would've both ended WAY better.
Honorable Mentions:
There's SO MANY good ones I had to leave out. Flashdance - Maniac is iconic but maybe nottechnically a montage, since only one thing is happening and there's not really a passage of time. There's also Bloodspot - Training Montage, Back To School - Studying Montage,Revenge of the Nerds - Cleaning Montage, One Crazy Summer - Boat Montage, Secret of My Success - Walking on Sunshine, and so many more. (For the record, I count things like theFerris Bueller and Blues Brothers songs more as "musical numbers" than "montages")
My favorite one that I had to cut to get down to 8 was this scene from the Stallone arm wrestling masterpiece "Over The Top":
I forget why Stallone's kid is driving a truck, but he is:
Other Honorable Mentions:
Also, there's plenty of parodies of these montages, but the two best ever are the Naked Gun - I'm Into Something Good Montage and of course, the South Park Sports Training Montage. Both are perfect.
Any others we forgot? Leave 'em in the comments! I've typed the word montage enough times already today.
