Things That Still Bother Me About "A Goofy Movie"

 

1. Why did the principal not shut this dance down earlier?

So, straight up, Max comes dancing into his PRINCIPAL'S SPEECH and what does the principal do? He backs away slowly from the situation like he just walked in on the middle of a kid's awkward dance to give a speech. Not the case, Principal Mazur. Exact opposite. Why is  there no authority here?

 

2. He's a failure because he was STOPPED from swinging across the auditorium LIP SYNCHING song by Powerline, a "cool popstar."

This is the equivalent of someone swinging through your high school principal's speech to dance to *NSYNC's 'Bye Bye Bye' and then your principal being like, "Fuck, I've been ousted by the boy band." Also, how was that the way to impress a girl? Remember when you and your friends were like, "Ugh, I like this girl. Should I talk to her?" "You should absolutely not. You should, instead, wear sunglasses and dance to a song on stage and then look at her." "Good plan."

 

3. Why is becoming his dad the worst thing? His existence means his dad got more action than him at least once.

Max's biggest issue is that if he becomes his dad, Roxanne, the lady that inspired the horrifying dance up top, won't like him anymore. By this point in the movie, all we've seen of the dad is a fun, dare I say, goofy, sweet guy, so excited to see and be with his son. UGH, PARENTS! Am I right?! Also, Max exists, so Goofy easily got more action (at some point) than Max has ever gotten in his life thus far.

 

4. Why doesn't Max get in trouble for this dance?!?

Sure, he gets called to the principal's office, but why doesn't anything more happen to this kid? They even call his dad who knows that Max is a hormonal, annoying troublemaker. Not only does this kid not get into trouble, but he has successfully asked a girl out and his dad has decided to take him on a surprise vacation. The latter of which is going to be great. Just kidding.

 

5. Dad failed at being a firm parent. I would slap this kid that I took on a vacation that literally bullied and destroyed my soul.

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE VACATION!? Max is easily the worst kid on the planet. His dad works so hard for him and just wants to spend time with him and take him fishing and camping and places he used to love as a child. Meanwhile, Max channels Holden Caulfield and spends the whole time throwing a tantrum about how his dad is ruining his life. And his dad is just TAKING IT. And feeling BAD for MAX.