Where is El Chapo?
This is the million dollar question. Most say that if he is not captured immediately, he will not be captured at all.
“This is a man with lizard like capabilities,” Professor Juan Lopez with the Southern Texas Institute of Science, “he was able to flatten his body in a way that fit perfectly into a 20 inch by 20 inch hole, jumped on a tiny motorcycle and excavated down over 1 kilometer to safety. This isn’t your average Mexican drug lord. This is a man who defies all scientific odds.”
Professor Lopez brings up the pelvic area as the largest hurtle for the body to fit into such a small area. “El Chapo must have condensed his private area to the size of a middle-school age boy. His member would have needed to retract inside his body and the bones in the pelvic area would have needed to become malleable and closer to soft tissue than bone.”
Professor Lopez points to the pelvic area most likely to pose a problem for the drug Lord
We at IFLScience.org were intrigued. Questioned by our team of scientists about the process someone with limited supplies in a jailhouse setting would need to accomplish such a feat, Lopez explained “us wetbacks aren’t going to give you whities all of our secrets! Kidding, such a feat would be done with the needles that are circulated heavily in Mexican prisons that are generally used for heroin. A prisoner would take those needles, tape or adhere them together with food product, and then use copier toner to inject directly into their bone marrow. ”
According to Professor Lopez, the toner replaces some to all of the marrow within the bone structures and lessens the integrity of the bone. This is how one is able to flatten themselves out much like a lizard or mouse, or other creature with a softer material in place for its skeletal system.
We caution against this practice, as it is EXTREMELY FATAL. In fact, it is Professor Lopez’s professional opinion that El Chapo will only live long enough to see life on the outside for a few days, maybe a week. At that point the structural integrity of his skeletal system will be so compromised that he will resemble more of an amorphous blob than a human being.
“The femur, tibia and fibula will begin to turn inward on themselves and the upper body will compress down as the bones liquefy within the body. At this point, the victim begins to notice things such as they aren’t standing as straight, or as tall as they had previously.” Lopez finished.
We asked how he was so sure that this was what had happened in the El Chapo case and Lopez shrugged, “how does anyone know anything? Science.”
