Child Custody: Children are the Victims of a Litigious Divorce
A litigious divorce increases emotional stress to all parties concerned in this kind of dispute, there are no winners and often the children are the biggest losers. The ensuing child custody battles often become so heated between the two parents that the children suffer from severe emotional trauma that can affect their lives for many years to come.
Relying on the lawyers to sort out the situation is grossly unfair to the children. Most divorce lawyers are only interested in getting the best deal for their client. Their job is not to be a mediator between the two warring parties except to attempt to wring out as much as they can for their client and in the custody battle get the child or children for their client.
A divorce mediator who is a trained person, often with a degree in psychology and psychotherapeutic skills together with legal skills of an attorney would be a far better option to consider.
These co-mediators are especially trained to protect and safeguard the best interests of the children, at the same time to mediate between the parents for the fair division of the combined effects of the parents.
Litigation often forces parents to become adversaries where the children become an object instead of a hurting, feeling little humans. Each parent fighting to ‘own’ their child, they will go to extreme lengths to turn the child against the other party, putting pressure on the children to choose between them. Some parents even use their children as a weapon to get back at the other party.
Divorce mediation can prevent much of this happening, parents are taught to negotiate between each other in a civilized manner, paving the way for co-parenting after the divorce. Child custody issues are discussed between the divorce mediator and the parents putting the child’s interests first before their own.
Teaching parent to avoid dissention between them sends a positive message to the children that calm and reasoned discussion to resolve issues is the better way to go. Children caught up in heavy dissention between parents learn that conflict is the normal way to behave, because children imitate their parent in their behavior.
When your situation reaches the stage that divorce is the only option, consider working with a divorce mediator who will deal with the child custody situation with compassion and understanding. And help you to find solutions to dealing with a divorced state and creating a win, win solution for all parties involved in a divorce and child custody dispute.
Cynthia Taylor
