I used to be very excited for Christmas, it was one of my favorite days of the year. I love how I get to spend time with my family, and have a table of delicious food cooked by mom, dad, and my other relatives. It has always been a joyous occasion after a rollercoaster year; a time to be still and be happy despite whatever reality we were facing. I've always looked forward to it, until a couple of years ago when things happened.

Let's begin with December of 2012.

After a fun surfing trip to La Union with my friends, the drive home was nothing but a sharp contrast. On our way back to Manila, my mother called for terrible news. My dad got into a terrible car accident. And everything went downhill from there. While my dad recovered in the hospital, my mom was busy handling legal processes, and I was with them all throughout while my sisters, aunt, and grandmother stayed at home. It would have to be the worst holiday experience I have ever had. We didn't even get to spend New Years day at home. We were at the hospital--dad, mom, my two sisters, my cousin, and I--crammed in a small room watching people welcome the new year in a small television. And to this day, I look back at it as a traumatic experience. Since then, all my days were spent praying it will never happen again.

A year later in December of 2013, my family and I celebrated Christmas without two of my closest aunts for the first time, because one went back to the province and the other went abroad. It was just me, my family, and my cousin who celebrated the holidays then. And although I was thankful that we've survived quite a challenging year, I could not help but feel incomplete. It was the beginning of a different kind of Christmas tradition.

Around the same time, on December 23, I found out I got into one of the top universities in my country. And while it should have been the most exciting thing that could have ever happened to me, it meant more than simply success and achievement. Many things, including my dreams have changed.

This year, in December of 2014, I'm about to see the results of my first semester in the university. So far, I've only been disappointed in myself. And I'm left wishing I could have done so much better. But it's over and all I can do now is accept the things that I can no longer change--things like my grades. And suddenly, the holidays this year doesn't seem brighter than I expected it to be.

However, we're only at the beginning. Christmas isn't until five days and despite my little sad realities, I'll be nothing but grateful this season. Because my family and I are well and we've surpassed another year of challenges that have only made us stronger. And that will always be more than enough for me.