10 Comedy Scenes We Need To Retire Forever
We've had a lot of laughs, movies, but it's time to move on from these 10 clichéd comedy scenes forever:
FATHER: Hello, my daughter's new boyfriend, why don't you honor our family by saying Grace? You DO know how to say Grace, don't you? Because we're forcing you to do it. We're religious, but also like to aggressively put people on the spot.
BOYFRIEND: Uhh uhhhhh YEAH! I uhhh, sure do... love that God! Umm. Ahem. Dear Jesus Baby God Lord. Thank you for blessing us with your magic lightning power, even though you uh... died on Christmas?? Uh. The Virgin Mary was a real babe too, huh? Uhh that's part of my Grace... where I come from. Anyway... thanks kiddo!
FATHER (Glaring while folding napkin): Well. That certainly was...INTERESTING.
BROEY DUDE: Alright bro, we are not gonna like this because we're straight, but we have to do it. The circumstances leading up to this are incredibly specific and insane, but we gotta put that behind us now and just kiss real hard.
OTHER DUDE: There's nothing crazier than two men kissing but, SIGHHH, here goes...
[They kiss for a while]
BROEY DUDE: DUDE was that your TONGUE???
OTHER DUDE: Why is this happening
HIGH SCHOOL KID: Well, time to masturbate, like I have 1000 times before without incident. Only THIS time, I'm gonna do it in the living room in the afternoon with the front door unlocked and the surround sound speakers turned way up, and holding three lubed-up vibrators for good measure.
[Eugene Levy walks in with a priest, a grandmother, and a prospective couple looking to purchase the house, all of whom are also Eugene Levy]
HIGH SCHOOL KID: AH!!!
HUSBAND: Where was I, honey? Uhh, ummm, you'll never guess what happened! I got mugged on the way home. Yeah. Awful. But not just mugged, mugged by... CLOWNS... ALIEN Clowns... with lipstick... who kept kissing my shirt then stole your grandmother's wedding ring, which I was carrying because I was... gonna have it ENLARGED, yeah that's the ticket, and it was supposed to be a big surprise for our anniversary tonight, which I also did not forget.
WIFE: Oh my poor husband! Since I can't pick up on any verbal cues despite knowing you intimately for 10 years, I choose to have sympathy for you for now until I learn otherwise!
JOCK GUY: Listen here, DWEEB, don't you ever go near my girlfriend again (etc etc)
[While this is happening, a drunk guy with a rumbly stomach is desperately trying to find the bathroom, then gives up and shits a bunch into JOCK GUY's red cup while he's turned around]
JOCK GUY: Anyway, now that I'm done chewing you out, time to relax by continuing to drink my beer without looking at it or noticing the unmistakable rancid odor that WOULD be impossible to miss if someone had shit in it, so I can only assume they haven't.
[DRINKS. Pukes into another cup, then another guy drinks that]
BOSS: Dwimblethorpe??
EMPLOYEE: Uhhh ohh wow, uhh, hey Mister Peterson. You uhh come to this restaurant too?
BOSS: Why yes, it's my favorite. In fact, I'm just sitting down to dinner with my lovely wife Dianne, have you met her?
[EMPLOYEE realizes Dianne is the woman he just had a one night stand with]
EMPLOYEE: Uhh oh gosh Mr. Peterson, I'd love to join you but we have our own plans--
BOSS: NONSENSE! I DEMAND that you alter your plans and come sit with us. I'll say some double entendres that'll make you choke a bit while you're drinking because you'll be remembering having sex with my wife. Haha, kidding about that last part. I know that didn't happen. Pull up a chair!
SEXY YOGA TEACHER: And now we attempt the final position... "Trees That Really Look Like One Tree Is Tree-Banging The Other Tree From Behind".
NERVOUS GUY: I don't know, sounds a little...risque.
SEXY YOGA TEACHER: Oh relax, it's YOGA. Thought I have been aggressively flirting with you this whole time, but this is unrelated.
NERVOUS GUY: Hmm, ok. If it's YOGA.
GIRLFRIEND: Hey, I forgot my keys in this yoga place-- OH. MY. GOD.
NERVOUS GUY: Buh-buh-buh-baby!!!! It's not what it looks like!!!!
GIRLFRIEND: Oh yeah? I think it's EXACTLY what it looks like, and I've misjudged your personality through our entire mutual existences. We're THROUGH! I'm going to my SISTER'S! Even though I have my own place.
NERVOUS GUY: I SWEAR, we were just trying the banging from behind position! Ooops, just realize I phrased that poorly!
GIRLFRIEND: THAT'S IT! That ONE POOR PHRASING was your only chance to correct this! We're THROUGH!
WEIRD GROSS DUDE: This is where I keep my bottlecap collection. I like to pretend they're elves who are secretly my friends and always go to prom with me.
SUPERMODEL: That might be the single saddest, weirdest, most pathetic thing I've ever heard................... and it's totally TURNING ME ON.
[She rips off her clothes and starts furiously making out with him even though he remains clueless]
WEIRD GROSS DUDE: My grandma was right, I am handsome!!! [Snort laugh]
MAIN GUY: Has anyone seen Schamelie?
FOREIGNER: COWABUNGA DUDES!!! I'm doing the hip new American thing, have you heard of SOULCYCLE?? [Is brushing his teeth with a dildo]
MAIN GUY: That's not what Soulcycle is... ahhh forget it. C'mon let's go.
GUY WHO UNKNOWINGLY TOOK A LAXATIVE: Ohhh noooo, I have to shit all over the fucking place!!!
[Shits all over the fucking place]
