Cool New Lifehacks To Waste All Your Fucking Time

Looking to waste all of your time in a completely unproductive way? Here's 10 Awesome Time-Wasting Lifehacks that you're probably doing already:

 

Folding your laundry is BOO-RING. But what if you put on some music to make it more fun? And not just any music, but a custom "Laundry Folding" playlist that you end up spending two and a half hours organizing and reordering until you realize it's 3:15 am so you fall asleep with the unfolded laundry still in a big pile?

 

You just turned a twenty-minute task into a three-hour ordeal with the added bonus of NOT EVEN GETTING THE TASK DONE! Now you're wastin' time like a pro!

 

Alright, ENOUGH INTERNET FOR ONE NIGHT! Slam your computer shut with CONFIDENCE cause you are DONE LOOKIN' AT SCREENS and READY TO LOOK AT THE ULTIMATE SCREEN: REAL LIFE.

 

Actually now you're just cycling through every single one of those same applications on your phone. You're wasting twice as much time and every website is a fraction of a minute different. Life = HACKED!

 

This much more advanced life hack is GUARANTEED to burn days on end without improving your life in any way, other than costing you your ability to tell if you actually enjoy anything anymore.

 

Did you really need to binge watch all 14 seasons of Arli$$? Maybe you did! Even though you still haven't watched that 'important' documentary that you've brought up in nine conversations.

 

Ok, time to watch that documentary for real....OR you could roll the dice on this TNT show called Murder Games that might not actually be real but is somehow in Season 5? It's all the time-wasting of watching a good show, minus the joy! Nice work.

 

I found one actual email in my Spam folder two months ago, so now every time I check my email (about every four minutes), I also refresh my Spam folder. This is an effective way to double the amount of time you're wasting on emails, with the guarantee that none of them will be important AND they'll fuck up your phone if you accidentally click on one! This is a fun, easy lifehack for novice time-wasters.

 

Uhoh, ZipCar might have overcharged you by $39. Instead of calling them like some efficient-time-using loser, why not instead somehow spend four hours crafting a grand Thomas Jefferson-esque correspondence with their faceless customer service rep, even though the end result is just three dumb sentences but it somehow took you 4 hours of having your computer open while you were half paying attention to The Food Network in the background.

 

Also they didn't actually make a mistake and you aren't getting your money back, or your 4 hours back. That's a #HACKWIN