Ramazan is very busy time of year,” I explain to my non-Muslim friend as I turn down an invitation to lunch.

“Oh yes, you will be fasting,” she answers. Her voice touched with a hint of concern but mostly secret admiration because, as she has often declared, “I don’t know how you manage it, I couldn’t keep myself hungry and thirsty for thirty days.”

Hunger?… Thirst?… I want to tell her she doesn’t know half of the complications and intricacies involved!

The first decision is of course is Ramadan or Ramazan. Am I purist who insists on Arabic pronunciation and wants strain all the extraneous “Pakistani culture” out of her Islam or, will I defiantly post Ramazan Mubarak to prove Hind (yes Hind) was a great center of Islamic thought and protest the Arabisation of our society?

Mango enthusiast-turned-martyr: Aamir Liaquat introduces Ramazan transmission with epic teaser

Those with real game will of course be tweeting Ramazan/Ramadan Kareem and leave the rest of us in the dust.

Ramazan programming is another conundrum, a hybrid of entertainment and public piety that both grafts want to resist but must ultimately endure, because that is what the public desires.

Vox populi , Vox dei : the voice of the people is the voice of God!

So if Allah wills it, Veena Malik will indeed be lecturing me on the topic of tauba or whatever else her journey from being on Pakistan’s most hated to next contender for Qaum Ki Beti has taught her.

A Plus has been spending serious money on white candles, whiteduppattas and the kind of flood lights reserved for outdoor concerts to make Veena and her set glow like a neon angel of repentance.

Meanwhile Aaj TV is promising audiences a literal shower of mercy in their Baran-e-Rehmat Show, which was to be jointly hosted by the hugely popular actor Hamza Ali Abbasi and his bestie actor Aisha Khan until of course Hamza was banned.

Still, the masterminds at Aaj TV managed to completely psyche the rest of us out by getting Hamza and Ayesha to present Hamara Eman Ramazan.

Who else but a couple of incredibly good looking people, who have lived life according to their own rules to navigate the month of self-control and denial for us?

To be fair Hamza’s show was one of the select few actually trying to lift the tone and level of discussion during Ramazan.

Hamza Ali Abbasi goes where no one dares to on national tv

He actually tried to bring important issues in front of his panel of religious scholars, the most controversial of which was his promise to discuss why Ahmadi’s have been declared non-Muslims by the state and perhaps even highlight the discrimination and vilification they often face.

This being the month of mercy and forgiveness, it wasn’t long before a death threat was made by prominent Sunni cleric, Maulana Kaukab Noorani on live TV.

Egged on by TV One’s anchor (and candidate for most nauseating human being on TV ) Shabbir Abu Talib, the conversation followed a depressingly familiar pattern with phrases like “Iss Qaum Ki Ghairat Zinda hai” and the crowning “Musalman Beyghairat Nahi Ho Sakta.”

Following threats, PEMRA puts a lid on Hamza Ali Abbasi’s Ramazan transmission

This “ghairat” is a strange, elusive creature which never made an appearance for the child abuse victims of Kasur, or the children dying of thirst and hunger in Thar nor does it have time to demand justice for the victims of rape and honour killings whose stories regularly appear in our news stream.

Quite rightly Pemra stepped in, banning Shabbir Abu Talib but in a ridiculous attempt to cover all bases, they banned Hamza Ali Abbasi too.

Right and wrong are not equal. Inciting violence and hatred is wrong, initiating a discussion on a difficult subject is not.

Here’s how Twitter reacted to PEMRA’s ban on Hamza Ali Abbasi

Anyone and everyone can treat those who agree with them with respect but the hallmark of any civilised society is how we treat those who disagree with us.

Meanwhile, Maulana Kokab is not banned, instead he is happily terrorising small children for not saying “Hazrat” and middleclass house wives for their lack of Islamic knowledge on another TV show with presenter and soon to be action film star, Sahir Lodhi.

The masochists among us might even enjoy the exquisite irony of a person like Sahir Lodhi scolding simple people about religion, people who make less in a year than he does per episode. For the rest of us though it is just another example of the complete lack of self-awareness and humility these transmissions are becoming famous for.

Aamir Liaquat apologises to Taher Shah, proves he’s an angel too

But who can blame the channels when audiences won’t give them ratings without some element of glamour.

What else could have prompted a TV channel to actually pay Pakistan’s very own Tutti Frutti Ayesha Omar to host a Ramazan show?

Meanwhile the king of Ramazan transmissions is making a lot of money for Geo, oops I meant is spreading the blessings of this season in PakRamzan.

Weary audiences are now treated to Aamir Liaquat as a kind of well-rounded, armchair commando and slow paced, action hero. He even has his own movie style trailer; where he dies a martyr’s death at the hands of some suspiciously Indian looking “enemies”.

Though it isn’t immediately apparent, much time and money must have been spent on this filmy teaser. A lesser man might worry about the lack of humility or consider the implications of stirring up nationalist or war-like sentiments during a season whose purpose is to spread peace, awaken compassion and promote mercy, but Aamir bhai is made of sterner stuff.

Happily, he has not escaped Pemra’s eagle gaze this year either. Although a well-deserved three-day ban was imposed by the media regulatory authority on his game show Inam Ghar, during which he pretended to be a suicidal girl in some crassly inappropriate live game, the Sindh High Court was quick to dismiss it.

Pemra issues notice to TV channel for airing ‘suicide scenes

The other big name in the race is ARY Digital, who is not far behind with its own curious Ramazan mix of reformed sinner, Junaid Jamshed (also fresh off a tauba sabbatical) and his happy helper elf, Waseem Badami, normally seen as a serious journalist.

Actor Fahad Mustafa is the third prong of this triumvirate and the prevailing sentiment is that greed is good and materialism is the best.

The mobiles, motorbikes, lawn and washing machines offered are so priceless there is no limit to what people are willing to do for them.

Ramazan is a ratings gold mine for channels as fewer people venture out after a long day of fasting, yet the quality of broadcasting seems to be a race to the bottom. It is a huge missed opportunity, one which could so easily be used to educate, inform as well as entertain audiences.

What do all these programs say about our values, our attitudes? Inciting religious violence, the complete lack of tolerance, the display of arrogance, hypocrisy and materialism; is that the spirit of this sacred month?

Among the very few positive or sensible Ramazan viewing options isNoor e Ramzan with Ahsan Khan on PTV, which manages to be both good fun and informative.

Another sane alternative this Ramazan is Star Iftar with Sarmad Khoosat on Urdu 1. The popular director is seen cooking healthy, low fat alternatives for sehri/iftar in the company of his famous friends.

If all else fails watch a good drama instead: Hum TV is rerunningSwaab — an excellent serial based on a lot of the real dilemmas faced by people during Ramazan.

Why not enjoy some light relief instead with serials like Udaari , Dillagi,Besharam or Mor Mahal and for those who insist on only the best there is always Humsafar and Durr-e-Shahwar being repeated on Hum Sitaray.