How to Deal With Loneliness

Posted on 21 May 2015 at 05:24

Part 1 of 3: Comforting Yourself

People feel lonely for a number of reasons, including simple social awkwardness and intentional isolation. Everyone experiences loneliness. Luckily, though, there are a number of ways to overcome it.

1. Comforting Yourself

1. Realize that you aren't alone. We all get lonely. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. People are particularly prone to loneliness during major life transitions, especially ones made for the better. If you're changing in ways such as exploring new alternatives and paths for yourself, you're bound to get a little lonely as you look for people who share your new interests and thoughts.

2. Get involved in activities. Join a sports league or take a class. Volunteer within your community. If you are very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be online. Look on places like Craigslist or local news websites for activities in your area.

Don't attend functions with the sole idea of making friends or meeting people. Try to go with no expectations whatsoever and to enjoy yourself regardless of what happens. Look for activities that interest you and that also involve groups of people like book clubs, church groups, political campaigns, concerts and art exhibitions

3. Don't allow yourself to wallow. Instead of persistently dwelling on how alone you feel, do anything to get your mind off it. Take a walk, ride your bike or read a book. Explore activities and hobbies, and don't be afraid to try new things. Having experience gives you a basis upon which you can comment in more social situations (thus talk to more people) and strike up conversations that will interest other people.

Keep yourself busy. Having down time is what causes feelings of loneliness to creep in. Throw yourself into work or extracurricular activities.

4. Do social activities by yourself. Many times it isn't the partner or friend you are missing, but the activities and hobbies you shared. Take yourself out for a date. For example, if you would have gone out to dinner or to a movie on a date, then take yourself out to a movie or to a nice restaurant. Although, at first, it may seem awkward to be doing things by yourself that you used to do with someone else, don't hold yourself back. It is not strange to be by yourself and out doing things! Once you remember why you did these things before, you can enjoy the activity for itself again.

Take a book, magazine, or journal with you if you go out to eat or have coffee on your own, so you'll be occupied when you would usually be conversing. Bear in mind that people do go out on their own on purpose just to have "me" time by themselves; it is not as if people will look at you sitting alone and assume you have no friends.

5. Consider getting a pet. If you're truly struggling without companionship, consider adopting a dog or cat from your local animal shelter. Pets have been domestic companions for centuries for a reason, and winning the trust and affection of an animal can be a deeply rewarding experience.

Be a responsible pet owner. Make sure your pet is spayed or neutered, and only commit to bringing a pet into your life if you're prepared to handle the daily tasks of caring for it.

Part 2 of 3: Getting Social Again

1. Call or get together with the people you know. Even if they aren't who you want to be with right now, human contact makes establishing more contact easier. This includes your mother and the guy at the deli counter.
- Do more listening than talking. Listening and drawing people out will deepen your contacts more than just talking endlessly about yourself.
- Do not exhaust your existing connections; these are all you have at the moment.
2. Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships. Don't wait for people to approach you: you should approach them. Ask the person if they want to chat or get a coffee. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you, if they ever do.
- Remember that you are trying to make a place for yourself in another person's life, and be considerate. Do not think that just showing up will win you instant friends. It can be a long, painstaking process and most people you meet already have their own friends and lives.
3. Spend time with your family. Even if you don't have a great history with a family member, chances are they will take you up on an invitation. You can share friends and meet new people together. This will help diminish that awkward feeling of being alone in public.
- If you are constantly busy, you may not have time to go the distance with people who you do value in life. Making baked goods for those people, a meal for someone less fortunate, or making dog biscuits for your loyal furry friend, will build sweetness in your relationships.
4. Be a pleasant presence. Draw people toward yourself by providing enjoyable company. Be complimentary rather than critical. For a casual comment, don't nitpick other people's clothes, habits or hair. They don't need to be reminded they have a small stain on their shirt when they can't do anything about it. They do need to hear that you think their sweater is cool or you read their article. Don't make a big deal of it, but just casually mention it when you like something. This is one of the best ice-breakers around and it builds trust steadily over time as people come to understand that you won't criticize them.
5. Join an online community. Sometimes it can help. Share your thoughts and experiences, or ask questions to those who are going through similar situations. Online forums often allow you to help others while being helped yourself. Also check out the free Phone Buddies peer counseling community.
- Remember to be safe when online. Not everyone is who they say they are and predators feed off loneliness.
Part 3 of 3: Enjoying Your Solitude
1. 1. Differentiate between loneliness and solitude. Loneliness is when you are unhappy to be alone. Solitude is when you are happy to be alone. There is nothing wrong with solitude, wanting to, or enjoying being alone. Alone time can be useful and enjoyable.
2. 2. Work on improving and making yourself happy. Usually, when we're devoting most of our time to other people, we tend to neglect ourselves. If you're going through a period of loneliness, take advantage of it by doing the things that you want to do for yourself. This is a wonderful opportunity and you should be happy!
3. 3. Consider joining a gym. Working out and taking care of our bodies is usually the first thing that gets tossed aside when we get busy. If you're spending less time with other people than normal, try using that time to exercise. If you exercise at a gym, you might even meet some new friends or a new special someone!
4. 4. Learn a new skill. If you want to make the most of this time and feel great while doing it, consider learning a new skill. You could learn to play an instrument, learn to draw, or learn to dance. Going and learning these subjects with others may help you meet new people but it will also give you a creative outlet for your feelings. Turn your loneliness into something beautiful!
  
  Cook yourself a nice meal or make baked goods for friends or neighbors. Cooking up a meal is rewarding, you can channel your focus into something nourishing.
5. 5. Do something big. People oftentimes have something really big that they want to do and a thousand excuses not to do it. Have you ever wanted to write a book? Make a movie? Use this loneliness as the excuse to do something great. Who knows, maybe it will turn into something that helps others deal with their loneliness...
Source: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Loneliness