It can be difficult to move on after a breakup. You become dependent on the person you are with and life without them seems challenging. With time, these helpful tricks can help you move on to bigger and better things, meeting new people and learning new skills.
Method 1 of 3: Acknowledge your Pain
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1The Five Stages of Grief. When we lose something important to us, the healthy response is to grieve. Psychologists believe that all people generally go through the same stages of grief, or the same set of emotional responses. Understanding these can help you understand your feelings and know that how you feel is normal and healthy. These stages last for different amounts of time for different individuals and certain stages may not present at all. It is important to remember that everyone is different.[1]- Denial. It may be difficult, at first, to believe that your relationship has ended. Especially if you have been together for a long time, the idea of not being together may feel unnatural and unreal. You may perhaps feel that your partner isn’t really gone, they just need time to cool down. While this is a normal emotional response, it is important to acknowledge that your relationship is over, as denying this will just make things harder for you and your partner.
- Anger. This is often described as a feeling of “Why me?” You may feel the strong need to blame the end of your relationship on any number of factors. You may blame yourself, your partner, your God, your family, your friends, your job, or any other number of factors. It is important not to act out, however. Fault is often shared between many factors or may not exist at all.
- Bargaining. This is a time period where people often try to return to their ended relationship. You may beg your partner to take you back, promising to change whatever you perceive as being the source of the breakup. This is likely not a good idea, however. Even if the relationship can be repaired, it should be done after serious reflection and positive changes. This stage generally ends when one realizes that the relationship cannot be repaired.
- Depression. This is usually the longest lasting stage of grief. You will feel very sad and often as if there is no hope. You may feel like you never want to love again or that life is pointless. These emotions are normal but remember that feelings of suicide are not. If you feel this way, seek help immediately. Like all stages of grief, this stage too will end and you will be happy again.
- Acceptance. Acceptance of what has happened to you usually follows or coincides with the Depression stage. You will come to understand that the end of your relationship is not the end of the world. You will feel okay about what has happened and you will be ready to move on to the next stage of your life.
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2Be sad. It is important to be sad. Don’t pretend that everything is wonderful. Bottling your emotions like this is unhealthy and can lead to problems later on. You should allow yourself to be sad. Cry, if you want to. This is a normal, healthy response when bad things happen to you.- Watching sad or hopeful movies, eating comfort foods, or getting some good snuggle time with your favorite pet is a good way to spend time being sad.
- Of course, being sad for a long time or being sad in a way that significantly impacts your quality of life may be an indication that it's time to start turning your feelings around. If you can't do this on your own, get help.
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3Get some alone time. When you are at this stage, it is important to have time to yourself. While being with others is important and can significantly help the healing process, you need time to yourself as well. Use this time to take care of your own needs. Focus on what makes you feel better and thinking about what you want at this stage in your life. Having others around can be distracting, which is good in moderation but will keep you from taking care of yourself if in excess.- Set aside at least a few hours every day where you can be by yourself and really process your feelings. In the evening, before bedtime, is usually the easiest for most people.
- If your home is not a good environment for alone time, try going on a walk in your neighborhood, to a local park, or to your local library.
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4There is a point. After a breakup, especially if the relationship was long-term, you may feel like you wasted time or that the whole thing was pointless. This is never the case and it is important to keep that in mind. Even bad experiences serve to teach us about ourselves, what we want from life, what we value most, and how to better interact with other people.[2] Though your relationship has ended, it has undoubtedly provided you with invaluable life experiences. If it did not, you would not feel so upset about it ending.- Finding meaning in your experience can be a really powerful way to move on, instantly transforming a negative experience into something that (while it may not be fully positive) will as least make you happy on some level that it happened at all.
- Finding that meaning, however, is difficult and how you do it will depend on you, how you think, and what you gained from the experience. Try not to look for negative life lessons, since these will only make you more bitter. Instead, look for something that is really a gain in your life.
- Good examples of lessons from tough experiences include: "Now I know that I can survive tough situations." or "Now I know more about what I want as a person and what is really important to me." or "This has made me realize how truly wonderful the people in my life are and helped me to appreciate them while I have them."
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5Remember your ex. Don’t pretend like your ex never existed. Like bottling your emotions, this is an unhealthy response. This person played a role in your life and that role needs to be acknowledged. Know that the time with your ex is over, but remembering those times fondly will help you feel better in the long term.- While many people make themselves feel better by thinking about the bad things about their ex, it is also important to think about the good things. Focusing only on the bad things will lead you to be bitter and may lead you to regret things about your relationship that you enjoyed at the time. This poisoning of your own memories will just hurt you in the long run.
- To remind yourself of the good parts of your relationship, write down the things about your ex that you liked or particularly good times you had together.
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6Reflect on your relationship. Failed relationships, like anything in your life that ends badly, can serve as a wonderful learning opportunity. Reflect on your relationship, the good things and the bad things, so that you can use that knowledge to bring positive change to your life. This will allow you to improve future relationships by learning from your mistakes and learning more about what you want from yourself and another person.- Think about your partners failures in the relationship, as well as the things they did well. Which of these qualities would you like to see in future relationships and what qualities should you avoid in the future? Maybe your ex was very lazy, which didn’t bother you in the beginning but became a problem over time. This might be something to avoid in your next relationship, even if it isn’t so much of a problem in the beginning.
- Acknowledge your own faults. There were likely things in the relationship that you handled poorly as well. Think about what these things were and how these traits negatively impact your relationships with other people. These can be qualities which affect friends and family as well. Think about how and if you want to try to change these things about yourself. Maybe you find that you forget to consider the feelings of others, for example. This may be a quality to change, in order to create better relationships with everyone around you.
- Love yourself. Remember to think about the good things about yourself as well. You are a good person, even if you have made mistakes. Bad experiences in life should not keep you from feeling like you have something to offer the world. List the things about yourself that you and others like. Focus on really making those qualities shine and you will feel better in no time.
Method 2 of 3: Getting Back to Life
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1Discover yourself. Reflecting on yourself and your relationship can teach you a lot about yourself as a person. This newly found knowledge can give you a better appreciation of who you are, your strengths, and what you want out of life. You may find that things you sacrificed in your relationship mean more to you than you thought at the time.- You may find that hobbies or skills you gave up because of time constraints or the tastes of your partner are actually very important to you. You may find that work you put aside for the sake of your relationship gives you a greater sense of purpose than you thought. You could also find that you sacrificed your friendships more than you wanted over the course of your relationship. This new beginning can give you the opportunity to explore these things that are important to you in ways that you could not before.
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2Forgive. It is important to forgive during the healing process. Forgive your ex for hurting you and forgive yourself for any failures you perceive. Remember that blaming people, yourself or someone else, does not make problems go away. Blame will only serve to make you bitter and keep you from future happiness. Forgiving is essential to moving on.[3]- Begin the forgiveness process by identifying exactly why you’re mad. Understanding the real reason that you feel hurt will allow you to better deal with the feeling and identifying who you need to forgive specifically.
- Express your feelings. Begin by writing down your bad feelings. This will help you purge your anger. Next, express your feelings to friends and family. They will help you understand your feelings better by giving you a new perspective. Then, decide if you want to tell the person who hurt you about how you were hurt.
- Find compassion. Realize that everyone is human and the person who hurt you did so because they have faults, just as everyone else does. Understand that you make mistakes too. It may even be that the person that hurt you was only doing what they thought was right or best. Try to understand the reasons for their actions. This will help you forgive them.
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3Laugh. The act of laughing releases endorphins into your body. Endorphins are used to regulate your emotions and make you happy. It will also remind you to find enjoyment in life and get you into the habit of being happy again. Finding the humor in bad situations will especially help you to experience them less negatively. Laughing and placing yourself in situations with the opportunity for laughter will significantly aid your healing process.- Spend time with friends who make you laugh. Surround yourself with people who, when you are with them, make you laugh and provide you with positive experiences. Don’t spend time with people who make you sad or are constantly sharing negative emotions. This will hinder your healing process.
- Watch comedy. Watch funny television shows or go watch comedy acts at a local club. These activities can be done alone or with others. Seeing these things will distract you from bad emotions while reminding your brain how to feel happy again.
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4Embrace your independence. When we are in relationships, we tend to become very dependent on the person we are with. You lose much of your independence in relationships and this can lead you to stop doing things that you enjoy.- While it sometimes feels good to have someone to rely on, being independent can feel good to. It gives you the freedom to do the things you want to do, when you want to do them. You don’t need someone else’s permission and you don't need to worry about how your actions will make someone else feel.
- Examples of ways you can enjoy your new independence are: going to see a movie your ex would not have enjoyed, wearing clothes that you like but your ex found unattractive, spending time with a friend your ex did not get along with, as well as the sort of individual activities like reading books that are hard to find time for when you are dating.
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5Take up new activities. The best way to get back to life is to live your life. You're alive and the world around you is an amazing place. Everyone has things that they've always wanted to do and this is a fantastic opportunity for you to try new things and experience the world around you.- Exercise. Exercising releases endorphins into your body, much like laughter. By exercising, you can make yourself naturally happier as well as healthier. This is also an activity which many people find they don't have as much time for when they are in a relationship. Getting a healthier, toned body can make you feel like a new person. This feeling of a fresh start can help you move past negative feelings and memories and on to the better things that are waiting for you.
- Volunteering. One of the best ways to make yourself happy is by making others happy. Taking responsibility and helping another person will give you a sense of purpose, which you may be lacking at a time like this. It gives you the opportunity to see that everyone has problems and that some problems are much bigger than yours. This perspective can be comforting and teach you to appreciate all of the wonderful things and people that you do have in your life. Try volunteering at a soup kitchen if you’re looking for something less time consuming. If you want a bigger commitment, try something like Habitat for Humanity.
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About the author
che-refamonte-rubio
I'm cherry refamonte rubio, simple person i love to explore anything,
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