Fellow folks of New Jersey and those living within the tristate area - We just got pummeled by yet another weird, spontaneous snow storm. Every time right after a big fall folks trudge out onto their driveways and attempt to shovel the snow only hurting themselves in the process praying for one of their snowblowing friends to come and free them from their torture and pain.
Well growing up with an Irish father and being responsible for competing shoveling (this is when you have to do more than the other person or suffer humiliation for the rest of the day) I'm going to show you how to properly shovel snow. You might be thinking this is silly and anyone can pick up a shovel. Tell that to the guy with the ice pack on his back and six aspirin down his throat. Tell that to the dude who slipped on a patch of ice because he didn't scrape the walkway before galavanting into the sidewalk and street.
It's very simple and I can break it down into three easy steps.
Step One:
Use a Damn Good Shovel
If you're using shovels from 1983 with old wooden handles and plastic covers you're already admitting defeat. Get a handle with either plastic/metal on each end and make sure to get one where the pole bends. This helps you gain more leverage on the snow you're shoveling and it lets you not bend down as far (great for people out of shape suddenly getting a cardio workout shoveling their driveway). Sounds like common sense, right? Well go ahead and check your shovels. Tell me how old they are. Shovels cost like $25 for a decent set. Yours are from the stone age. Your shovel will determine how long this process takes. Get a kick-ass shovel.
2. When you're done with a section throw salt on it
As you're shoveling when you complete a good chunk make sure to throw salt (or sand) on it so the snow/ice don't form a combination that allows you and your loved ones to fall flat on their face and break every bone in their body. When snow is cleared people walk on that newly cleared area. There is ICE under there that you did not shovel (because you can't). The salt helps protect those around you including yourself. If you do not do this you will slip and slide and fall. It's just a matter of time.
You don't need to do this over and over again, but just enough especially if you have people running around helping you. Also do it over your left shoulder if you can. Otherwise you'll awaken ancient demons from the underground of your driveway and they'll run off with your kids.
3. Breathe
Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Ever see Snow White and The Seven Dwarves? Channel the seven dwarves. You are now one of them. You are the eighth dwarf. Depending on your area you're going to get tired really quick. It's important to not hold your breath every time you 'go down' to shovel snow. You'll become winded, dehydrated, and then basically a crabby patty. Nobody likes a crabby patty.
Keep yourself hydrated and oxygenated and you'll be fine. Which reminds me - coffee is great because it is warm, but it dehydrates you. Stick to room temperature water if you can.
That should do it. Have fun shoveling and look forward to that warm satisfying feeling when you're all finished.
Unless you live in surburbia and a plow comes by making you have to do the street again. This is expert mode.
More on that later.
