I have plenty of them. I've accumulated them over a lifetime. They can make me guarded, cruel, or even vicious. I seem to be drawn to relationships that will knock me down, and there have been points when I have wanted to give up all together. My grandmother did...

I know that I need to learn to control my fears without turning into a monster. It is hard. I trust my boyfriend, but I have so much baggage, and our lifestyles are so different. He goes out all night, and it is 2 in he afternoon. At 2 in the afternoon, I'm picking up kids, and getting ready to finish up my day. Half my life is lived while he's sleeping. Is that what I really want? I don't know. It might just be my fears keeping me in a prison because I refuse to be happy. I never stopped to plan or think about what I really wanted out of life. I just did hings. I let life move and learned to adapt.

I don't know what to do...