I may be overreacting because I am fed up with my situation and looking to bail on this whole experience. After getting rave reviews after my 1st month it seems I have hit a wall and hit it hard. Now I see that there was no need for me to be stuck in Hyderabad for two months. Why I say this. As long as I have internet I can work. Travelling to meet other staff members would be beneficial, visiting plantations will give me greater insight and understanding to how everything works. Being able to talk to on the ground operations team would be better than relying on what gets filtered down to me in my lonely home office. Solution to this - ensure the promise of going to Talupula and Dehradun come to fruition in the next 3 months because after a month I have not yet gone to Talupula plantation in Andra Pradesh.

Ok after each complaint I will try and come up with a solution otherwise I will loose my mind in the coming days.

Suggested using Skype to facilitate staff meetings. Thanks to technical problems it didn't run so smoothly so everyone on the call was unable to give an update on what they are working on. Connection issues made it difficult to hear whoever was speaking. When the talk switched to Hindi, I kindly tuned out to work on other things. Solution, no Idea for I have no technical skills but maybe another platform is needed if the issue persists.

My refusal to call people and relying on email/what's app leads to frustration. Solution is stop being cheap and call but sometimes I write before thinking things through and calming down. I don't know these people well so many times I read frustration from their messages or maybe it is my frustration being transferred to them. I feel like I am bugging them but what other choice do I have when I am not sitting in an office with them to just have a conversation so that I can move on with the work I am doing. 

Projects I am given have no deadlines just needs to be done either ASAP or by November. ASAP has no time constraint to me because if you send me an email, I may not read it on time or just ignore it because it is so easy to ignore written communication like emails. Now I am trying not to have my email opened 24/7 because I need to focus on single tasks otherwise I won't get anything done. Now that I have to switch gears on fundraising strategy I am back to square one on the research. I get emails forwarded to me from the website inquiries form and I'm like ok great now what? I just file them away in the ST folder I have in my email.

There seems to be gaps in plans. Working on kitchen garden, products are being finalized, website content on products/gardening still in progress and no design ready for website. Just happened to browse the bottom of websites and see there are sections like privacy and terms & conditions. I never read these sections or skim them because to me there is to much jargon in the average one because of organizations trying to capture everything possible within the content. My mistake for bringing it up to boss. Now it's my responsibility so now back to asking questions on shipping and returns because I haven't been updated on those aspects of the website. In a rush to get things rolling and opening up the site things are falling through the cracks. Staff is spread thin. Everything I notice or suggest turns into my project but I have stated numerous times I need guidance as I go along 1 for fear of failure 2 for no previous experience but I can't expect my hand to be held throughout the process.

Starting to realize that all of these scattered experiences and opportunities I took were not the best opportunities I could have selected. Now trying to make them seem relevant to undefined career goals is a challenge. Maybe I am selling myself short but I feel like I am sinking fast as a fellow and left to my own devices I won't succeed. I am not motivated, I feel like everything is a battle or just murky waters to wade through. I am not the right person for this organization and can see a 180 turn in the next review I get from the organization. They have all these high expectations but as I try and start reaching out for help because I feel like a deer in headlights, I feel things slipping away.

Working from Bangalore is not an option anymore. I just want to enjoy the wedding.