A man and his dog walk into the pub and turn to the assembled patrons. 'Ladies and gentlemen' the man announces in a loud voice. 'I bet anyone here a pint of lager that my dog can talk'. After muttering from the tables, the barman agrees to the bet and is amazed when the dog perches himself on the barstool and delivers a fascinating speech about the situation in Ireland. The barman says 'that's amazing! But I bet you another pint that your pooch can't go and get you a newspaper'. After a moment, the man agrees and slips the dog a crisp fiver and says 'I want the change as well'. The dog nods and runs out the pub. He doesn't return after an hour though so the worried man find the pub in a nearby alley - shagging a local bitch. 'Oi!' yells the man. 'You’ve never done this before!' to which the dog replies 'Well, I've never had the money before