When I was in high school I met my very first best friend. He was a guy. Kinda unusual cause usually or normally or most commonly best of friends are the same sex.. right? 

So.. He's a guy (it's less the drama y'know) A male version of me. We had a lot of similarities I sometimes feel like looking at myself. WE even have the same physical features like we're both slim, curly hair, and tall. We're both music lovers and we always wear that "fuck off" frown every single day.

He's good at guitar playing... sort of family's legacy. As far as I know they're all musicians. It runs in their blood.

Our first encounter was inside the classroom where we fought over a chair or a seat. Me being the hard headed woman I am never backed down so I got what I wanted (HAHAH). We became friends after then everything falls to pieces. Next thing I know we were super friends. And one day he opened up something to me. He told me his story and how tragic his life was and the depression he's having... and I was taken aback...

I was shocked because I never imagined him to be so broken and miserable as I saw him that day. To me he was like an asshole.. a conceited, self centered, and cold-hearted person I've ever met. He was a bitch but beyond that he's sweet and caring and I saw through him(that was what I thought). I never expected he was falling apart.

From that moment I felt so attached. I wanted to fix his whole being. I want his old self back. I became so obsessed at what I thought was helping him but I never knew I was already invading his personal space. Then it dawned on me.. my worst mistake was...

I've learned a lot of things from him. I self-thought and learned playing a guitar. But what I did wrong was falling for him.. involuntarily...

My feelings messed up our friendship.. "I" messed up our friendship. I didn't said anything to him but I guess he just  noticed it one day then decided to avoid me like a plague all of the sudden.

He was my very first best friend. Someone so significant to me that I'll remember his name forever. I never had the courage to confess or to ask him what was wrong. I was so ashamed of myself. So I learned looking after him from afar.

I miss him.. i miss him so much and all the stupid things we used to do. I don't love him in a romantic way anymore. I realized that he was the brother I wanted and I wished for. :(