I get asked a lot of things by my male friends. This subject has come up time and time again and I'm always amazed by it. So, allow me to explain...
Whether you are a woman that employees any of these tactics or not, you would be able to identify them in a heartbeat if you saw them.
Women do not mark territory so other men know where we are. We mark territory as a warning to other women - and we do it in a way that we know that another woman will spot it, process it and understand it completely.
The fact that we use you men is just an unfortunate necessity to get our point across. You’re basically an innocent war casualty.
We don’t care.
This doesn’t move us.
Few things:
1) There is no such thing as a woman simply forgetting that she left a pair of thongs at your house. Really. I’m always amazed that men think that is even a realistic possibility. Women know when they wear underwear and they know when they’re not wearing them home. What is wrong with you people.
2) We will spray your bathroom towels with our perfume. You might not notice it, but another female will most definitely detect that one.
3) That earring under your bed? We put it there. You’ll never find it because you never clean under your bed. It’ll be just far enough back that you won’t see it or think to look for anything there, but the female eye can spot a cheap silver earring BACKING that’s all of an 1/8th of an inch, in a deep pile gray carpet - from 15 feet away. Don’t you for one second think we can’t either. We might miss that gigantic red stop sign, but we damn sure won’t miss that.
4) Lipstick on the collar? Accident? My ass. We know where our lips are going to go. That’s no accident. There’s also a reason why we’ll get up in the morning and put on lip gloss before we drink out of your cups. Think about it.
5) Hair. Strands of hair. You people can be walking around with a three and a half foot long, dark brown single strand of hair on your coat and never know it. A woman from across the street will hone in on that *&*#$& faster than the military can lock and load on an enemy target. Pay Attention!
6) One of our first instincts is to take over your house. Not because we enjoy domestic life. Not because we want to be your mothers and pick up after you. Not because we can’t stand being in the middle of the mess. Not because we even give a *&$(*# how you live in your own house, it’s not ours, what do we care? However, we know that a female can walk into a room and immediately know that another female has been there. "A woman’s touch" - it’s not a myth. If you have a clean bathroom, in a woman’s opinion, it’s not likely that you were the one that caused it....giving special consideration to the OCD men...but even then...
7) We WILL write on your shower door and bathroom mirror when it’s wet. You won’t see it. No one will see it until someone takes a shower and the room steams up again. Let some female spot a heart - how many men do you know do that? None. And even if you did do it, no woman is ever going to buy that story. Accept that you’re screwed.
8) We will leave some small item at your house. Old lipstick or lip gloss, something. Some small reminder. This is less the marking of territory and more along the lines of knowing that a man will call because he doesn’t think anything of it and go, "you left this here" assuming we want it back and this reels you into seeing us again. We never leave anything we care about.
9) More obvious is the eyeliner note and lipstick kiss on your mirror. We’re also well aware that you can’t say shit about it. Really, what are you going to say? "I don't want you to do that because I’m seeing a few people" - please. And we know it’s a pain in the ass to get off and you probably won’t bother unless you have another date soon. And then if you do, we have no sympathy for you either and you deserve the time it’s going to take to try to get said items off your mirror. Using your fingers won’t cut it. Using a Kleenex won’t cut it, it will just smear it and cause a bigger mess.
10) We will sleep in your shirt, make it filled with the scent of us and leave it on your floor. Don’t get me wrong, we WILL take one of your shirts. That’s what we do. We also understand that you probably do laundry only when necessary and the odds of some female walking in and picking up the shirt we marked - is pretty high, depending where we place it. And it is definitely going to bother said woman to put on something that smells like some other female. We know it wasn’t your mom. Point made.
Women all know these tricks instinctively. No female needs to say these things to another female. They’re built right into our DNA coding.
Feminine radar.
And if you send a picture to a female, you better take special care to look at the surroundings, not just how good of a picture it is of yourself - because we examine everything.
Women: The stealth gender.
