Me: Pretty Girl.
My Offspring: You have to say that, you're my Mom.
Me: I have to do no such thing.
My Offspring: Yes, you do. Like you'd just yell out, "Hey, Ugly Girl!"
Me: No...
My Offspring: See?
Me: I'd say..."You look so smart today!"
My Offspring: Oh my God...
Me: "You have such a nice personality!"
My Offspring: stare
Me: "You make such a lovely tax deduction, honey!"

...then she just burst into laughter and tried to leave the room. So I followed her around the house for about 7 minutes yelling out all the things I'd say to her instead if I didn't mean exactly what I said in the first place.

Really, you'd think my kids would learn...