In this world of singletons or love hungry people there are a lot of things I still do not know about relationships.
Frankly since I am single, I'm not in any position to know exactly what being married is like so of course I can only infer on relationships I've experienced, or based on what I read online/offline and heard about from people I know. Mostly I see marriage in a negative light, being a product of a broken family. At this point I still don't want to get married or have kids at all but I am open to the idea in the future. Unlike a long time online friend, she said she will remain unmarried and have already decided on it even if she continues to flirt and/or fail/successfully date other people.
How This Article Came About
I was searching for some images of a quote I saw here in Bitlanders earlier when I saw this image:
(Photo credit: therationalemale.com)
Pic looks kinda harsh but who knows what the situation was that prompted the action. It even looks like the 'Batman slapping Robin' meme. Lol. Ehem, so back to what I was saying...
The quote I was searching for was "lost love can turn a good man evil." Well hey, it is quoting a possibility for both men and women right? So seeing this image got me intrigued which is why I looked up the article it was connected to and thought I'd read on what the image was about.
This article (Men in Love) which was written and posted in 2012 doesn't exactly talk about what the image is showing. In the first sentence it linked to it's post inspiration - She's the Victim. Based on the article comments, the inspiration article seems to be a Christian man's response to comments on a news article via DailyMail, with the title "Half of women delay starting a family because they don't want to give up their freedom."
Now this can get confusing with all three articles together in one topic so lemme break this down.
What is DailyMail?
(Photo credit: DailyMail via Wikipedia.org)
The Daily Mail is a British tabloid newspaper published in London. Now, I am in the Philippines but you know how the internet works. Since I search in English I get all articles published in English hence the things I discover. Lol.
Now that we've got that down, let's go back to my topic.
What all Three Articles Are About
The She's the Victim article basically is saying a woman's comment in the Daily Mail article is what is wrong with the world. Women marrying and divorcing men after they've "had their way" with the husbands or gotten children and money out of them because she did not love him. No wonder some men I know said all women want are men's money. Oh hey, that's how we're wired, men should provide financial security for women to be at peace enough to build a family. Don't you know how hard it is for a woman to maintain a family and raise kids? Aren't you men always looking to be served by your woman even after having kids? You must be looking for a slave.
(Photo credit: Walker via adrants.com)
Also, NEWSFLASH, women work these days too so no, not all women are out for men's money! Ever heard of independent women? In case men don't bring in the dough, we have to work our asses off in order to be secure enough to maybe have kids and have a family in the future! And people wonder why women are more and more getting married or having kids when it's "too late". God help us.
On the other hand, the Men in Love article is saying that men and women's idea and expectations of love are different. Writer kinda said men are the romantic kind, perhaps expecting that as men, they need not please the woman at all to get any of her affection. But then again, it means she does not love the guy enough to return the affection without him having to do anything thus he paints women as opportunists. Dear God. Then generally speaking if women are opportunists that's because all men are pigs and maniacs. C'mon people, we are better than this battle of the sexes thing we keep talking about!
Basically all three articles and the comments comes down to one thing: women are devious and bad. Generally speaking they are saying women are out to deceive nice men like the jerk-type men are out to play with innocent women. Or all women are out to play men and come out all hurt and damaged in the end. One being used by the other. The other playing the victim while the other is always the bad guy.
(Photo credit: ArtGirl mobile screenshot of dalrock.wordpress.com's article comments)
Oh my god where is the love? This the reality we live in? I mean this is all so negative. Perhaps I only see the negative because that is what I wish to see? Or that is what the articles are showing me? Or wait, it is affecting me because somehow I feel like I am being blamed for being a "bad girl" and the guys are the victims when in fact I am not even doing anything wrong!? I do not manipulate. I do not string people along. Perhaps my only fault is not communicating my thoughts or feelings because I have "broken family issues".
On a side note the articles/comments are mostly from supposedly English and Australian Christian and non-Christian people. It is not written in Filipino so of course perhaps it is different in our country.
Then again, what of the local news and online articles about the cheating husbands? The cheating girlfriend I have firsthand knowledge of? The cheating wife acquaintance because she was supposedly forced into a marriage she did not want but was not able to say no to at a very young age because she didn't know any better? What of the provincial people supposedly marrying foreigners just to get out of the country and all that sh*t? The old men taking advantage of young eager penniless girls? Let's face it, this is reality, we do not live in a fairy tale however much we want to. Nobody is purely in love in this day and age. Everybody seems to be liars and users and such because of lack of true love. Ah this is all so negative I know.
One thing I couldn't help but notice is the comment/question of Starviolet which struck a chord somehow. (An answer to the question can be found in the pic above.)
(Photo credit: ArtGirl mobile screenshot of dalrock.wordpress.com's article comments)
Somehow I find it hard to believe there are guys who do not know if a woman truly loves him. Maybe because okay I think I'm being bias thinking men don't have feelings when in fact they do but men and women think differently! I mean, some guys believe what they are told! If they are told the woman does not love them they stop courting the girl pronto. Whatever happened to fighting for your love eh? What if the woman was just testing the guy's love? Ah but then again perhaps this is me griping over the past.
But what if the guy somehow knows she does not love him but he insists on being in a relationship with her even if she does not really love him? That is kind of sad. Especially if she gives in and halfheartedly loves him so she asks for things from him in order to be happy in the relationship she did not really want. And then in the end she gets accused of using him. This story paints the girl as the bad person just because she accepted his love but then gets accused of taking advantage of him in the long run when it was him who kept on insisting his love, whether true or not. Wow. I've read of this situation in a forum and everyone was telling him he's stupid for being used for money he freely gave as help to her.
On the other hand, if the relationship did not push through the girl still gets painted as "choosy" and in a bad light simply because she did not say "yes" to him. Amazing huh? This got me thinking.
(Photo credit: The Best You via thebestyoumagazine.co Shutterstock)
Whenever any kind of personal relationship comes to an end, it always seems like the friends of the guy paints HIM as the victim. But what about me? This makes it sound like I am becoming a victim of stereotyping. What, not agreeing to be in a relationship makes me a bad person now? Or I shouldn't be ending things early when it's not even worth my time and energy? The f*ck is up with that? Don't I have a right to say no? NOBODY is giving me a reason to say yes or to even consider staying long enough!
Perhaps that is my problem, my could-have-been bf passive-aggressively told me I'm too intellectual. Ah well... what can I say, I must be the "sister" of Data (from Star Trek) or I must be a Vulcan in real life, minus the pointy ears. Lol.
As for my dear could-have-been, I am still learning lessons on love up to this day thanks to you. So let's sing to that shall we.
(Video credit: Crinale819 via YouTube.com)
In any case I believe there is no "bad boy" or "bad girl"... only bad behavior. In conclusion, being that these articles are putting women in a bad light, I think women empowerment should mean not being weak by just agreeing to any guy's advances even if we know the relationship will not work. For guys, it's all about sex first or propagating the seed, but for women it's all about having security to build a family.
I mean hello, we get blamed for being easy and/or being hard to get, so we women should decide on what's best for both parties either way. Females should also not abuse and take advantage of the guys. Deciding is easy to do these days because the internet is here, we can do research and we can ask anyone anything! In the old days or in places where there are no net access, it might still be a problem deciding on what is best for each other if one does not have lots of friends and elders to ask from.
Hey don't blame women for "taking all the money," that is the nature of things. Women take care of the children, and how do women take care of kids? By using money to pay for housing, education and clothes and food and all that. Watch Bad Moms if you want to get a sense of being a mom/woman.
Let's not play the blame game people. We should all take responsibility for our actions.
© Art x Stephanie Rue
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