(In response to ArtGirl's Post)
Note: When I make statements about men and women in this article it usually refers to a mean/median person in the gender.
“Men are from Mars and women from Venus” Although the statement is very banal, it kinda holds true in as much that they could very well be from two different planets. Whether it is from Mars or Venus, I am not too sure.
I grew up and lived in two very different cultures. I’ve found that the problems between men and women are similar, if one can account for the minor cultural differences. ArtGirl in her very heartfelt article concluded that we should stop playing the blame game and take responsibility for our actions. But to take responsibility one must realize that they have done something wrong. In most relationship squabbles, each gender thinks that the other is in the wrong.
Our behavior is generally driven by our motivations and our hormones. Motivations being the more logical of the two. ArtGirl wrote, “For guys, it's all about sex first or propagating their seed, but for women it's all about having security to build a family”. If this was true, Sex Dolls and sperm banks should’ve solved the relationship problem for most men. Saying that for guys it’s all about sex is as bad as saying that women are controlled by their menstrual cycles. Both of which are predominantly wrong, unless you are counting teenage relationships.
What motivates a man or a woman into a relationship? It is the need for love, support, security, family, sex etc. Yes, the reasons are the same but their hierarchies are little different. Most men would rate sex over security while most women may rate security over sex. This is innate and instinctual. Which is why it is more likely for a successful man to marry a hot female bartender than a successful woman to marry hot male bartender. But this does not mean that a man only cares about beauty and a woman only cares about monetary success. These things only matter the most when a relationship is about to start.
Now some may say – “Hey! I knew a guy. This girl married him for his money and when he became broke, she left him!” In contrast, there are men who’ve married women when they were hot and young, but left them when they got older. I don’t mean to paint a rosy picture, but neither of these cases are the norm. We only hear about them and remember them because they are not the norm. In our fast-paced urban world where time is little and expectations are high, people may tend to fall back to their baser instincts. But, any intelligent person hoping for a meaningful relationship understands implicitly that love is not all about sex or money.
Now I could try to enumerate and explain the differences between men and women but that’d be too long. Instead, I want to address some assumptions ArtGirl has made about guys trying to woo girls.
In most cultures, it is usually the norm for the guy to try and ‘woo’ the girl and ask her out. I think this is quite silly seeing how ill equipped we are with understanding the nuances of courting. Jokes aside, male brains are not as good as accurately judging emotional cues as females are. So that crease on a girl’s brow that is supposed to indicate that she is not interested in the male is invisible to most guys. So, personally, I would suggest girls to just tell a guy directly. “A no means a no and a yes means a yes” If we lay those ground rules everything becomes so much easier.
Artgirl, mentioned about loving a guy halfheartedly because he was trying too hard. No person wants to be loved halfheartedly. Nine out of ten times, the guy refuses to give up because he thinks that the girl wants him to show his love that way. If you don’t love someone tell that to their face, albeit in a nice way. This is what most logical men expect, which is why when you say ‘no’ they give up. I understand the concept of women wanting to test a man’s love. But when is it fighting for love and when is it stalking? Most men do not understand your cues. Also, women need to consider the emotional angst of being rejected. Do you think it is easy to pursue someone and be constantly rejected? It is hard enough to be rejected once.
Another implicit assumption by Artgirl is that women care about money because they are the ‘only’ ones taking care of the children and family. Basing your thoughts on a TV show is not ideal. Please don’t stereotype all males into being assholes who make kids and then leave the woman to take care of them. The norm is more egalitarian.
Ultimately, what I want to convey is that there are differences between genders on what they desire and it takes equal effort from both to understand each other and make meaningful relationships which are fulfilling.
Men in a loving relationship, without any ulterior motives, are simple creatures. Their upbringing, societal norms and social circles may play a role in how they behave with the opposite gender but their behavior itself simple. Women on the other hand are complex creatures (emotionally superior), whose every action means something and they expect every action of their significant other to mean something. But both genders in love try their utmost to protect and support their significant other to the best of their abilities. The difficult part is to find someone that you can ‘love’ and loves you back.
A guy sang this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA
A girl sang this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0
Make your own conclusions.
PS: Hey ArtGirl, I am sorry about your past relationship. I am guessing you were young when it happened. Teenage years are a roller coaster ride of emotions and neither gender understands each other. So, forgive the guys and try to experiment more. You will be sure to come across plenty of cool guys who respect who you are and are worthy of your affections. Hope you have a wonderful life.
