On Alzheimer's Disease.
Having lived four years with an Alzheimer's patient, I can understand why people are so quick to call the patient a 'victim'. Alzheimer's Patients are 'victims', they are in fact patients. They are lost, confuse, sometimes scared, sometimes violent, and always the same person they remember themselves to be from before they started to show signs of Alzheimer's.
Don't pity these people. They are seeing people they love, and have not seen in years. Primarily their parents, and grandparents who died a long time ago. They are living their lives from when they were their happiest. True, the patient can't remember what they had for breakfast, or even if they had breakfast that morning; but ask them to tell you about when they were young and you'll be treated to a wonderful story of their childhood. Who the most important people were to them, and why they were so important.
Pity their family. We who loved them before they became ill with the disease, and struggle to love them even after. Alzheimer's doesn't rob the patients of anything. Not really. Not in the long run. We the families of these patients are robbed of the bright, and beautiful minds our loved ones had. We watch them go from happy, and ready for anything to confused and frightened in an instant. Sometimes we watch them go from being loving, and caring to mean and abusive in the blink of an eye.
Yet we keep fighting for our loved ones. We keep showing up day after day as they slip further and further away. We're helpless to do anything about it. Helpless to make our loved ones feel safe. Helpless to help them understand what is happening to them, and why they can't remember who we are, or why their beloved husband/wife is no where around. Angry that we can't do anything for them. Depressed that we know sooner than we want, we have to say good bye.
At the end of this wild roller coaster ride we do get to experience happiness. Relief. Even joy for their passing. I tell people my grandmother has passed, and what from I get to hear, "I'm so sorry for your loss," Why? I spent four years watching my grandmother, with her brilliant mind, and even more brilliant musical skills dwindle away and eventually die from this disease. At the end of it all, all I could feel was relief, and happiness that my grandmother was no longer scared, and confused about what was going on around her.
So please. When you hear someone has Alzheimer's don't call them the 'victim', and don't say, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss" when someone shares they've lost someone to this disease. Instead, ask, "What was <person> like before?" We, the families, are only too happy to share the good memories. Don't ask us about the disease, and what it was like while our loved ones were going through this journey. Don't call our loved ones victims. We, the Families of Alzheimer's Patients are the victims. They're our family, and patients of the disease.
