What makes a good Oscar host? Before I answer that, I can say where you might find one, that is, the Sunshine Cinema, 143 East Houston Street, New York City.
It was the staff of this fine establishment who invited me to watch the ceremony when my hotel telly was, as we English say, on the blink. I was about to watch LIKE SOMEONE IN LOVE at said movie house, having unsuccessfully tried to summon Channel 64 (ABC) at my hotel for two days – so much so that I asked for a room change. At the Sunshine, a helpful member of staff invited the whole audience to come back later, ‘free of charge’, which of course are my favourite three words after ‘unlimited salad buffet’.
Reader, I came back, and I should have dressed up. ‘What are you wearing,’ a fatuous fashionista might have asked, to which I would have had to reply, ‘the same blooming thing I wore this morning’. I couldn’t see Naomi Watts or Reese Witherspoon giving a similar response.
So I turned up in my civvies a full hour and fifty minutes before the ceremony started. Big mistake! Have you ever watched ‘RED CARPET LIVE? It is a brain-melting experience, truly dividing the genders. Still, I was excited about seeing THE OSCARS in a raked movie theatre with a host who gave us all slips to complete recording our picks in different categories. I got several right answers, but alas the staff did not announce me as a winner of such prizes as PARANORMAN slippers, MOONRISE KINGDOM and ANNA KARENINA soundtracks (on CD).
It was an honour, as they say, just to be invited. Besides, alongside Emmanuelle Riva, also cruelly overlooked and on her birthday too, I was in good company.
So, about the host, Seth MacFarlane? I thought he was an inspired choice. Inspired by TED making over $100 million at the US box office (domestic). Inspired by the continued success of FAMILY GUY, though I did not rate the last two series. He sang at the London Proms so hosting the Oscars was the next logical step. (Ask James Franco.) For goodness sakes, he’s voiced a character in HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY. You cannot get more credible of street.
Yet to be a good host, you cannot just read your auto-cue in a smart suit. (Ask James Franco.) You can’t just sing and tap dance and settle a horse with a remote control. No, you need to react. You need to comment on the speeches and the wins. You must make it not look like it was scripted.
To be fair, smiling Seth did occasionally ask questions of the autocue (‘I thought we weren’t doing that one’) and mess up his lyrics in the final number (‘the wonders of live television’). Yet these interjections were nothing to do with the unfolding drama; that is, how many Oscars did LIFE OF PI rack up in comparison with ARGO? I never felt his interest, only in getting to the next gag. Sample: ‘And now for a star that needs no introduction.’ He walked off as Meryl Streep walked on.
The first shock of the night was that Christoph Waltz triumphed over Robert De Niro in the Best Supporting Actor category, having been gifted the plum role in DJANGO UNCHAINED. De Niro’s performance in SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK was more emotionally nuanced. Or to put that in English, he blubbed! Waltz emphasized his character’s supra-confidence. Caught in a tight spot, bounty hunter Dr King Schultz (there is a reference to CHARLIE BROWN in there somewhere) would produce a wanted poster. And they believe him! I wondered how many he had in his inside pocket and whether they were alphabetized. He was articulate and brave but also gets himself killed. And what’s with the lack of female companion for Dr Schultz, the retired dentist? Shall we talk sub-text, Mr Tarantino?
The second shock, sometime later, was that Jennifer Lawrence was named Best Actress. She was only recently nominated for WINTER’S BONE and she’s done a HUNGER GAMES, so she’s paid her dues. But, Jen, Jenni, Jennifer, you did not give the best performance as a woman in a leading role. Even overlooking Ms. Riva, you did not even give the second best.
The best joke of the night was the sock puppet version of FLIGHT. (A pre-taped segment.) I loved the socks in a tumble dryer to simulate the rolling plane. Of the other jokes, the one about John Wilkes Booth being the only man truly to get in the head of Lincoln was a bad taste gem.
Some of the speeches needed footnotes. There was Ben Affleck telling us that ‘you must not bear grudges’. What was he talking about? There is no way we could forgive him for PEARL HARBOR. One suspects that Affleck was referring to the studio heads who wrote him off after GIGLI. He is the only one to survive the curse of SUPERMAN, having played the actor who played him in the 1950s set HOLLYWOODLAND. (Can’t remember the name – I’m very old! George someone!)
There were some predictable wins: Anne Hathaway named Best Supporting Actress for LES MISERABLES; Daniel Day Lewis bagging his third Best Actor Oscar for LINCOLN. BRAVE won Best Animated Feature, PAPERMAN Best Animated Short, LES MISERABLES Best Sound Recording. Much as I enjoyed SEARCHING FOR SUGAR MAN, I felt that 5 BROKEN CAMERAS should have nabbed the Best Documentary Feature for political reasons. (Have not we had enough of the illegal settlement building on the West Bank?) That Mychael Danna won Best Original Score for LIFE OF PI only underlined the fact that it was not a good year for original film music. William Goldenberg won Best Editing for ARGO but there isn’t a cut in it to rival the best of Anne V. Coates or Thelma Schoonmaker.
The show ran three and a half hours with commercials. ‘Should it be giving an award for Best Editing?’ asked one wag. The latter weren’t exactly of Superbowl standards. In the case of the TV spot for THE HEAT, a comedy that teams Melissa McCarthy with Sandra Bullock they were of goldfish bowl dimensions.
The low points were Jennifer Hudson belting out a number from DREAMGIRLS (I struggled to discern a tune amongst the notes) and Sacha Baron Cohen looking petrified in the ensemble for LES MISERABLES. (He doesn’t do stand up.) Catherine Zeta Jones reminded us that she can still do musical theatre and that her career has stalled since winning the Best Supporting Actress award for CHICAGO. As for the bit with Mark Wahlberg and the foul-mouthed bear, let us not speak ill of the TED.
Seth said that this was a one-off. How very true. Still, he tried hard at not talking to anyone. We are still waiting for Eddie Murphy to take up the hosting duties he declined in 2011 in support of Brian Grazer, but then he needs a hit movie. Who’s next? I say, bring on Ben Stiller.
