I don’t know how intimacy got such a stellar reputation. It’s become like that elusive happiness that we’re all supposed to be constantly in pursuit of. If someone isn’t seeking intimacy, they’re told that they must have psychological condition called “fear of intimacy”.

I’ve begun changing my definition of what constitutes intimacy. Part of the reason for this are some of the experiences I’ve had during my writing group. Having the courage to share something one has written, aloud in a room full of virtual strangers, and being open to hearing their intellectual and emotional responses to what you’ve written is a highly intimate act.

I’m not sure how intimacy came to be associated with sexual relationships or co-habitation. Maybe I have really bad boundaries, but I’ve shared some deeply intimate moments with complete strangers on buses with nothing but a single shared glance of understanding.

I no longer strive for the kind of intimacy that most people are referring to when they use the word. Part of my new-found aversion to intimacy is the result of social media, where people post all their best selfies, thoughts, and deeds to make people like them. In a world in which likes equal potential income or social prestige, everyone is trying to sell themselves. Then, when you meet and spend time with them, you find that who they are doesn’t match this persona at all.
This results in severe disillusionment and cynicism. If people posted the good, the bad, and the ugly, I don’t think I would experience such a strong sense of revulsion when comparing the difference between their real selves and their online personas. Is social media encouraging us to have so much contempt for the imperfections inherent in being human that it’s driving our worst characteristics underground to fester and grow in the dark, when they can only be revealed and healed by the light?

It’s called enlightenment for a reason. I’d rather connect to someone who is sometimes a total jerk in public than someone who posts about their every good deed publicly but participates in cruelty and gossip in private. Or someone who occasionally goes off on an angry negative rant than someone who is always positive and perky. Without honesty, real intimacy isn’t even possible—and not only that. Dishonesty keeps us from finding our people.

Photo Credit: Pixaby Apparently, according to pixabay, only horses have intimacy.