I fell in love with THE girl. And I still am. And I admit it. I screwed up. Not just once, but multiple times and I was lucky enough to have someone who stood by those mistakes no matter how thick or thin they were. But I took it for granted and didn't realize, at all, just how fortunate I was to have someone like that. 

I went away for a bit and wasn't sure exactly when I would return. We tried to stay in touch but she slowly faded away from me. I figured she found someone else to talk to. Someone who could be there for her because I couldn't and because I couldn't trust myself to love her. I was ok with it because I want her to finally be happy and I heard that she was so I was content. I tried to get back into the dating scene myself but I couldn't find myself to be attracted to any other girl because I was always comparing them to THE girl. She became the gold standard, the shining example, the golden goose of what I want. Nothing more and nothing less than what she is. It was then that I became conscious of how much I truly love THE girl and wouldn't want anything else but her again.

Months passed by but there was a numbness to my aching love for her. Then one day, unexpectedly, I get a text message saying "I miss you..." from THE girl. And BAM. That's all it took and every pain and ache that one can feel from love came spilling over me like a tsunami...times 20. The message lit up my world with hope that you can be mine again. It turns out that the guy she was seeing hurt her the same way I did. I didn't care what I was to her during that time of her pain. I only saw that she needed me emotionally. We reconnected again and it felt marvelous. It was like we had picked up where we had just left off. Sure we only spoke through phone calls and FaceTime calls but it didn't matter to me. I wanted THE girl to be mine again. Somewhere along the way, the calls stopped coming and we got disconnected. But I knew I had to do all I can to get her back. 

Soon after, I came back home for good. Outside of my family, she was the first face I saw and I wanted her to know special she are to me by doing that. I thought I could be with her again but thought wrong. It turns out that he's fighting for her too. I came home too late and I'm fighting an unfair fight. But I can almost see my biggest fear of losing THE girl happening in front of my eyes. She knows how I feel and they've been expressed in so many different ways. I did all I could. Said almost all that could be said. And now I painfully try to wait patiently as she makes her decision on who she wants to be with. 

I love her. And as painful as it is, if it came down to it, I think I've accepted the loss. More than wanting her, I want her to be happy because that's what love is suppose to be, right? If THE girl, is happy with the other guy, then so be it. But I don't think it will stop me from trying. I want THE girl to become MY girl and I miss her like crazy.