Till death do us part’ It is always that vow of ours that came to my mind when I thought of leaving him. It had been six years since we’d exchanged those vows at the altar. I thought that one could fall in love even after marriage and maybe they still could but, Matthew and I,we were just not meant to be.Why we’d got married then? Because of my parents of course. Not that i blamed them. After all they also had dreams and aspirations for their little girl. I loved them, but I could no longer stay in this relationship for them. After all, I had done it for six years but I couldn’t do it anymore.

I did everything in my power that I could to make it work. Greeted him with a smile every morning, always tried to add that extra bit of love into the coffee and everything I did for him. And it’s not like he didn’t respond. But his reactions were not satisfactory, they never made me happy. It was more like they were obligatory. And that was not how I wanted this relationship to be.

The relationship which should have made me the happiest girl on the face of earth had turned me into the a girl I didn’t recognise anymore instead. In the house that should have become my own , I felt as comfortable as a stranger. After six years!! It is not that he was not affectionate or that he didn’t love me but despite his love, I felt lonely. There was something wrong. It was like there was a whole part of our relationship that should be there wasn’t there . Like a missing piece . And I no longer had the drive left in me to look for it.

There were no memories of us laughing,sharing or solving each others family, or even of us just being together with a sense of complete satisfaction . I had never seen Matthew laughing heartily ever since we got married. And neither had I . But there was this one memory of him that I had. A memory where he was happy and just watching him made me happy. Like a normal married couple.It was Sunday and we were just sitting in the lawn when suddenly he got his canvas and a big box of paints outside. And I saw him paint which was his hobbies. And it was that moment that made me realise that there was something missing in my relationship.

So, for both of us, to be happy,taking this step was necessary. And so, I sat down to write down the most difficult letter of my life.Nevertheless I had to and so I did:

Dear Matthew,

People say that time heals all the wounds and that it is the best healer. And I had hoped that it would do so in my case too.Unfortunately it hasn’t . We started our journey six years ago, and I hoped or rather, believed that I was embarking on the happiest journey in the world. I hoped that it would be instant but evidently , it wasn’t . I tried to do everything in my power to make this relationship work. And I feel so have you. But after six years, I have many questions in my mind and the answers to them have led me to take this decision. Matthew, ask yourself the same questions. How many problems have we shared with each other? How much time do we spend together? Can we ever fall in love??Have we ever even gone on a romantic date or even just dinner? The answers to those question will make you realise that there is something that is missing in the relationship. The missing piece of our relationship that has prevented us from coming close to each other. I still remember your face when you were painting that day. You looked so happy and so absolutely free . That is how you should be in life. And I never get to see that part of you. But, this relationship is just not working anymore. I am so sorry because it’s not just you who are at fault, it is the both of us. I will miss you. I am leaving you this photograph because that is the man whom I was searching for so many days. And in a way, we will always be connected .

Jane

I left the letter at the dinner table along with what I thought would be the last meal I ever cooked for him. I don’t know why but the moment I started to leave, I felt that I would be coming back soon. Nevertheless, what had to be done had to be. I took my bags and my car keys, and started the journey back home. The journey back home was not what was daunting but what scared me the most was how to tell them. But, when I told him, it was almost as if they had seen it coming. And the best part was that they had understood .

A new chapter in my life was going to start or at least that’s what I thought . I was going to join work back only in three days so, I had free time. A whole day passed and Matthew had not called, reacted . He had taken it really hard. I mean he was so angry that he hadn’t even called. Not that I should expected and that it was any of my business. Still, I felt it was strange. That was when I was pulled out of my thoughts as the doorbell rang. And it surprised me to see who it was . Out of all the people, it was the post man.

” Good morning, Are you Mrs. Rodgers??” He asked.

” Yes, I am. Is this for me?” I ask, pointing to the envelope he had in his hand.

” Yes. It’s from Matthew Rodgers. Here” he says handing me the letter.

” Oh ok. Do I need to sign anywhere??” I ask, just wanting to get rid of the postman.

” Yes, sign right here”He says and I sign. He leaves.

Unbelievable!! Matthew just wasn’t a letter kind of guy. And that is why from the moment I had the letter in my hand, my curiosity was insatiable. I didn’t even have the patience to go inside the house and read it. I sit on the steps in front of the entrance to our house. I tear open the letter and begin reading. What I read just makes me realise how wrong I was.

Dear Jane,

I read your letter. And for the first time in life, I realised that I had made a grave mistake. I love you more than anything, Jane. Yes , you are right. I am not the most expressive person in the word and I guess that is my fatal flaw. But there is one thing that you’re wrong about. We have spent many moments together that I will treasure and have treasured throughout my life. Every morning, your smile that I wake up too everyday, the coffee that you make for me which is the best coffee I ever tasted, the extra love in the food that you make for me everyday.Every time, I come back from work and see your face, it lights up my heart and makes even a bad day , the best day. True, I haven’t taken you out much but that’s because I believed that you liked it at home. And this is not just my house, Jane, it is yours as well. And the painting that you mentioned,it was not the fact that I was painting that made me happy but, what I was painting that made me happy. It was your picture and I love you. I don’t usually write letters but I can’t say this to you face to face. I love you Jane and I will respect your decision no matter what . But, I miss you and I want you to come back home. And if you still feel like there is a missing piece in our relationship, we can probably look for it together the next time.

Waiting for you,

Matthew

As I put down the letter, I realised that I had made a grave mistake. I run as I realise that my husband is waiting for me. I grab the car keys and drive as fast as I can. I head for Matthew’s office and the sweet and smiling receptionist is there to greet me as I enter the office.

” Goodmorning Mrs. Rodgers.” she says, smilingly

” Morning, Is Matthew in his cabin” I ask

“Yes…but…he is with….” She says

But I am no longer interested and I run towards Matthew’s office and swing the door open. Ignoring the client that he is sitting with, I go toward Matthew. He stands up just in time as I pull him in for a kiss. The best kiss and for the first time in our marriage , he tells me that he loves me. And that concluded my search for the missing piece in my marrriage.