Every once in a while I find myself in a party. It's a party I host extravagantly and its only attendant is me. It's what you'd call a pity party, where I would find every reason to feel bad and sorry for myself (when in fact there's usually no good reason to hold the party in the first place).
It could be that I'd just gotten frustrated over a seemingly harmless but tedious household chore. It could be that I just saw a friend's Facebook post of her vacation in another country. It could be that I just found out someone I know got a promotion at work.
It's a rather predictable process, how this pity party plays out. I would be tired physically and emotionally, then an event triggers an avalanche of negative feelings - envy, regret, frustration, insecurity, anxiety... Accusing voices tell me I should have done this instead of that, mocking voices tell me I'm no good at anything, sad voices whine about my situation. Ok, that's a lot of voices, but last I checked I still fall under the category of a normal, healthy housewife.
What comes next, of course, is a reaction to the environment. It would either be a lashing out, where children get scolded heavily for light offenses, or an inward turmoil, where I entertain feelings of resentment, towards my husband usually. You can just imagine how entertaining this party must be! If you're a sado-masochist, that is.
Of course the party ends. But not after it creates strain, or wounds, to my relationships with my children and husband. And let's not forget feelings of guilt.
So is there an alternative? Yes, there is an alternative to the pity party. It's actually a different kind of celebration. It's a party celebrating life! You can call it being thankful or counting your blessings.
It's acknowledging what you have instead of what you don't have. It's finding little things that make you smile, like a neighbor's greeting or hearing your favorite song. It's the essentials in life that you still have, like food or shelter, despite not having the latest smart phone. It's your good health, true friends, loyal dog or the clean city you live in. It's the freedom to express yourself when there are others in the world who don't have the same liberty. It's being safe where you are and not living in crime-ridden or war torn countries. It's simply a reality check to an otherwise unhealthy expectation.
And I, as a wife and mother, have learned to reject my own invitations to these pity parties and choose the other instead. I've realized that I have been blessed - I have a family-centered, loving husband and, although quite a handful, two wonderful kids. Attending another pity party is not only lonely but utterly destructive to myself and to them. It robs me of the joy I should have with my family and life.
Learning to appreciate what you have is a good shield against attacks of negativity. It's not always easy to do because it takes effort. However, its rewards are more than enough to keep me going. I've found myself become more patient, peaceful, content, and hopeful, while my kids are happier with their mommy. I'm also more understanding of my husband.
So if you're like me who's attended more than one of these pity parties, it's time to say no. Put the invitation to the burner. You won't be missing anything important anyway.
Choose to be thankful. Choose to celebrate life.
The more you are being thankful, the more you'll feel better and the better you'll view life. Eventually, life does become better.
