The day of the party, you'll get between 3 and 5 "ahhh, sorry I can't make it, I'm sick or my girlfriend's sick or whatever anyway can't make it have fun!!" messages from people who originally said they were coming. Coincidentally, all these people live the furthest away, so you know what's really going on: They're all telling the truth and there's a powerful virus affecting the far-from-you areas in your town. And it also infected your flakiest friend.
"Hey... is this the party place? I'm Jay, I'm an extremely peripheral friend of an ex co-worker you threw on the Facebook invite at the last minute. Sorry I'm so early, I figured this started at 7:40, like most parties. I can just hang here on the couch and watch Jeopardy while you, y'know, shower and whatever."
"Hey!! I brought some Pylermann's!"
"Huh?"
"You've never had Pylermann's Lemonsmash??? It's like limoncello but way stronger and worse. Anyway, here's a 64 ounce jug of it. I'm gonna drink five sips then you'll have this thing above your fridge until you get married, never drinking it but afraid to throw it away."
"Hey, Tostitos Scoops!"
[Dumps entire bag into mouth without opening it, swallows it with a cartoon "GULP!" sound effect, chugs salsa with giant straw]
"Hey... you got any more of those chips?"
Get ready for someone to interrupt your impeccably-planned playlist at like 11:30 to put on some shitty joke song they and another person you don't know were just talking about! What are you gonna do, let them control the shitty music, or be an even bigger dick and cut in and put your own music back on? (Obviously the latter)
You laid out $35 for some Maker's Mark, and it's YOUR party, so there's no shame in hiding it in a kitchen cabinet and keeping it to yourself, right??
Ahh, nahh, now you feel bad. The whole spirit of partying is to SPREAD the merriment! Unhide that shit! Ask anyone if they want som-- oop, it's gone. It's way gone. Even the bottle itself is gone somehow. Well... dang. Serves you right for being briefly nice.
Who are you people, and how long have you been smoking pot in here and doing handstands on our apartment's septic tank? How did you even get into this room?? Only the landlord has a key to down here. Also you discovered a crawlspace and some 48-year-old friend of yours is doing whippets in it? Who are all of you??
Who turned on the TV and flipped it to Wrath of the Titans on TNT?
Awww, to think! Your awesome party and the wonderful atmosphere you cultivated has led these two star-crossed lovers to drunkenly smash their faces together in front of everyone while in line for the bathroom. You're LITERALLY Hitch from the Will Smith movie Hitch. You'll probably be the best man at their impending wedding that they're about to drunkenly take a $40 Uber to.
"Whattts sis... Marzipan Schnapps? Iss siz anygood? FUCK IT SCHNAPPS SHOTSS FOR ALL!!! SHNAPPTS? SHOTPS? YYAYHHH!!!"
[CUT TO: Waking up at 12:50 with your shoes still on and another pair of shoes on over them somehow]
