Police have accidentally included salmon fillets, tins of mackerel, teddy bears and a cat's ashes - and even a mock turtle, the fictional turtle in Alice in Wonderland on their list of livestock thefts.
The mistake has been revealed in a Freedom of Information request about the number of livestock thefts in London over the past three years, from April 2012 until April 2015.
Among the items included in the Met's count of livestock stolen:
Salmon fillets
On December 20 2014, the police log states that 15 salmon worth £68.25 were stolen from a shop after the crooks "placed them inside their coats".
Tins of mackerel
On March 23 2013 the log states Two tins of mackerel worth £4 were stolen from a shop, adding 'Suspect selected property front the shelf and concealed it in his socks'.
Mock turtles
On March 3 2014 the police log states that two mock turtles worth £40 were stolenfrom a pet shop, although further reports correctly call them 'musk turtles', which give off a scent to deter predators.
Teddy bears
On August 11 2013 the log states that a house burglary led to the theft of two teddy bears - both approx 2ft tall - one white with red nose and red paws, the other yellow.
Cat's ashes
On June 22 2013 the police log stated that suspects forced a ground floor window and stole a deceased cat's ashes.
Hollow blowfish
On March 4 2014 a hollow blowfish bought as an ornament was stolen in a burglary, with cops saying it was worth £20.
Monkfish and sea bass
On November 28 2014, burglars stole £200 worth of dead fish, including four whole monkfish and two whole sea bass.
Whiting, monkfish cheeks, dover sole, salmon fillets and bream
A total of 44 kilos of whiting, monkfish cheeks, dover sole, salmon and bream worth £380 was pinched from a fish market.
Fish platters
On January 3 2013, crooks broke into a restaurant and stole two fish platters, with the log stating cooked fish on two platters worth £60 were reported stolen.
The log states that the total amount of livestock pinched in the three year period came to £113,183, including fish - mostly live koi carp - worth £43,146 and horses and ponies worth £29,080.
Among the genuine livestock pinched over the period included a string of oddities - including live mosquitos, hives of bees, a bearded dragon and a tarantula.
More normal thefts included chickens, hoses, ponies, cats, dogs, canaries and exotic birds, goats and rabbits.
One officer, who has worked at the Met for more than 10 years, said: "The list of entries is comical - it's not the officers making the mistakes, it's whoever is compiling this list.
"How can they include teddy bears and tins of mackerel as livestock?
"If they are making mistakes like this when it comes to livestock data, who knows if any of the data is accurate for more serious crimes?
"Someone needs to be hauled over the coals for this - it's not just one error, it's a string of errors which nobody seems to have spotted despite it being obvious to every man and his dog that a cat's ashes and fish platters should not be included in livestock thefts."
A spokesman for the Met said inputting officers sometimes made mistakes when entering the data.
He said: "Please note that inputting officers do sometimes make mistakes such as with spelling and data entry."
