How long should a woman wait to have sex with someone? If a man had the opportunity, he’d be in bed with someone right after the first introduction. Women are usually the ones with more control. But how much controlshould she have? This question has several “right” answers which are based on the relationship goals of that individual female. For instance, the woman wants to build a long lasting relationship that leads to marriage would have a different answer from the one that wants to play the field. This post is directed to those women who want to be married. Obviously if you want to play the field it doesn’t matter when you decide to do it because you’re not looking for a relationship (and you probably won’t get one anyway).

I’ve heard about the “X” date rule, where X is the number of dates you should have before going all the way. Those rules are cool but I think they are pretty arbitrary. Who decides on what X is (3?, 5?, 10?) and does it really mean anything? What changes from the first date to the tenth date? Maybe you’ve known him a little longer and he has spent a little more, but does that make it safe to take the next step? Will he call you in the morning?

I’ve also heard the advice to do it when you’re “ready”. Could that be more vague? You may be ready the first time you guys go out on date. That doesn’t make it the right time to have sex and it doesn’t mean that he’ll be in your life forever (unless you get knocked up).

So, when is the perfect time for a women to give herself to a potential life partner? I say the perfect time is when he commits to you, meaning he is not seeing or sleeping with anyone else, besides you. Once he has made that commitment you have a bases to build something upon. Commitment is a huge step for a guy. If you make it clear that you want a commitment before you two step into the bedroom, you’ll very quickly find out if that guy is worth anymore of your time. If he stops calling you, then you know what his intentions were. If he continues to call and take you out on dates, you have a great candidate for a long lasting relationship.

Some of you women may be thinking, “No one this day and age will want to wait” and/or “What am I supposed to do while he thinks about commitment, my batteries don’t last forever!” To respond to the first comment, the anticipation of waiting will make him want you more and maybe commit even faster. It honestly doesn’t take a guy very long to know whether or not he’ll want to wife someone up. After a month of consistent dating and talking he should know if he want to commit or not. But if he has already hit, then he could drag that decision to commit for years. And for the second comment (about the batteries), think outside the box. I never said you couldn’t have another guy on the side (that no one knows about, but your neighbors know his name) to fulfill you immediate needs. That guy is probably not the best candidate for marriage but surely knows how to put it down. Always keep one of those handy (my number is 555-Do-Ya-Right!).

The moral of the story is that it is okay to go all the way once he is committed to you and not a moment sooner.