And if both the countries keep insisting on competing, instead of co-operating, then, there are still better alternatives to war available.

Here are some ideas:

• Shahrukh Khan and Sahir Lodhi can compete against each other for the ‘Best Sahir Lodhi Impersonator Award'.

• Tahir Shah and Himesh Reshamiya can have a singing competition. There is potential for superhit duets like Eyes dikhla ja and Dil kee soorkh deewaron par eyes hai teri teri.

• They can play a game of Gullu Danda, combining the powers of the non-violence of Gandhi’s Danda and the non-non-violence of Gullu Butt.

• A spelling bee competition between Bilawal Bhutto and Rahul Gandhi where they would be asked to spell words in Urdu and Hindi respectively.

• A Master Chef style competition between India’s Prime Minister, Narendra Modi, famous for starting his career selling chais and Pakistan’s President, Mamnoon Hussain, rumoured to have started his career selling dahi bhallas. Both the leaders can set up food stalls to see who can outsell the other. Alternatively, we can even create a Pacman style game where Nawaz Sharif eats everything.

• Raghu Ram of MTV Roadies honour and Waqar Zaka of Living on the Edge dishonour can audition each other for their respective shows to see who is the most ‘daring’.

• I would also suggest a competition to see which country has the better Coke Studio, but then even Pepsi agrees that Pakistan’s Coke Studio is the best.

These are just some suggestions; we can incorporate all the ideas to have an Olympic style competition between the countries; anything to bring the two closer together.

Hopefully, we do not have to see another scene of Meera and Ashmit Patel kissing on screen to make that happen.

 

Take a look: Pakistan in Homeland: Finally, an accurate portrayal!

 

Celebrities of both countries should come forward to volunteer themselves for these competitions. The Tahirul Qadri of India (popularly known ‘Zakir Naik’) can compete in a memory test against our sports anchor, Mirza Iqbal Baig.

Both of them have the uncanny ability to remember the minutest of details. Mirza Iqbal Baig often greets his guests on the show with intros like,

“17th October kee duphayr 4 bajay Karachi kay National Stadium kay Javed Miandad Pavilion kay ground floor kay bathroom kay 4th stall mai aap nay jab 20 minute kay baad cheekh mari toh phir mai Rose Petal ka 17 rupay ka 2-ply Toilet Paper 8 steps le kar aap kay pass laya.”

On the other hand, the following is an excerpt from an actual conversation between Zakir Naik and a waiter at a restaurant in India:

Waiter: “Hello sir, what may I get you?”

Zakir Naik, “I will have item number 47 on page number 7.”

Waiter: “Sure sir, that is the Chicken Burger, would you like any fries with that?”

Zakir Naik, “Why? Why would I order fries brother? It is written, on Page number 7, line number 8, it states all burgers come with fries.”

Waiter: “Alright sir, that would be Rs 500.”

Zakir Naik: “Why 500? It is written on Menu Page 7 that the cost of the chicken burger is Rs 427. India Act of Taxation 1965 page number 45 Clause Number 7 part B clearly states that charging more than 16 per cent GST is haram. 16 per cent of Rs 427 is Rs 68.32, so total is Rs 495.32. Why are you charging 4 rupees and 68 paisas extra? It isharaam, brother.”

It is rumoured that Zakir Naik even reached out to Imran Khan to organise a dharna over the 'dhandlee' at the restaurant. The Olympics could even feature a dharna competition between PTI and Anna Hazare.