Brother!
Today I miss him anymore!
What to do this to you? How do you stop silhouette appeared in every thought, every dream, in every walk of his brother, huh?
I thought that I was able to forget him, or at least cease to remember him more often. But you, you're wrong you sir! I could not stop myself not remember her face, her smile, her arms, ... all - of the old days - Where's he?
I miss you! But I only know of silence! I want to text him but again, that message was erased, written to satisfy only partly nostalgia alone inside! I want to phone you, want to hear a voice, his laugh, want to inquire, to cheer him up! But the call had barely moved it ended! Because I do not want to bother him, he does not want to have to think, because of a bother to him that perhaps now - he is no longer as important as it used to ...
And so I chose to Silence. Silence hides for my own feelings. Silent sorrow hid in deepest silence and gnawing pain. Biting his lips to silence falling tears each time he remembered to cramps. Silhouette silently watching him from afar. Fb silence he looked bright then nick off without talking chief. Silence saw me talking with friends. Silence looked at him smiling through the desktop. Silence storing images in a secret place that only you know, to remember him every time I can not bear to take it out to see, to see you smile, to comfort her, that he has a good life - absolutely no need you ..... And so, I kept silent, cold silence until ...
"Happiness fragile fleeting my life"! Yes he NHY ?! Happiness for me is too fragile star! I do not even feel it and see it, it was away from my life - just like his, rushed to make me laugh, I'm happy, I'm happy and leave me as I've never visited, make happiness fragile children, now shattered.
Gradually, they crouched in the shells, just the way that one wants to conceal Cancer pain. I'm sore! It hurts! You know ??? But now I do not cry anymore, nor melancholy as ever again. I'm good now's you! Do or say, or laugh, learn more, do more, like the busy people his sayings :) I do not have time to spare to remember him, to sad, to cry, and then after a tiring day , I fell asleep quickly, so you do not have time to recall the days are longer two children together, as the school really early, sit a few minutes to talk to each other before going to school; afternoon you are trying to go to school very soon and through school with him, and I remember when I fell asleep soundly in his arms, and then I remember that people do not have to learn all sat quietly drawing drawing a theater hoay something that does not tell you; is the cool evening carrying two walking around town together, then stops familiar Cathedral, two children two seat swing, sit chatted and laughed; the two kids are going to eat ice cream but have never had two favorite ice cream, so that later, once alone in that shop, I always call it ice cream - chocolate ice cream, but I do not eat, because each times like this, I miss you and do not hold back tears; afternoon I took you home from school, someone sitting in front of a hand holding my hand gently heart rhythm disorder someone; ... all alone like just yesterday, feeling like right next to you alone but though I have tried to force it still can not touch it. Perhaps everything is now past, has not it him?
I have repeatedly determined that I must forget him. But every time my heart has determined that once you give them more hope, hope that we ourselves apart now is temporary only. But maybe you confused, just every time he drunk, he remembered to you, make phone calls, text a couple of questions, then leave me as many times. Should I just wait for a stubborn person like me do not. I know that love comes from two sides and that unrequited love is just useless. But why keep your heart obstinate, stubborn just not be awakened, whether it is painful like.
More than one time, you have to think, or just try to open your heart once, try to love someone, try to find out someone, even if just once. But the reason I did not win stubborn heart. My heart just an image stored and locked it into place most carefully, warmest, and then it freezes its own main. No longer bouts of heat stroke, the lightning was more unexpected. For me now, affection or love is something that is difficult to understand and difficult to define, or rather my heart does not want so-called "love" touch it again. It hurts already! Injury is enough! Everyone told me cold! Then someone said you idiot! Someone told me sorry! Then there are also people who told me I was stubborn, hard to tell! But I do not care! I'm just me alone! Just no fun, no decent fast chatter chatter, no longer talk much, do not laugh as much as being with you. But no, I still funny, still talking, still laughing, huh, but my friends told me, "that's just mi trying to create a cover for only mi, mi mouth somber eyes smiling, laughing, but the smile that "light" and no need too, the mouth repeatedly but the tone is not funny, not natural to me, sitting with people is always fresh and my face is fresh, but each sit mi perhaps alone, looking lonely and very cold. "I do not know any more true. I'm good at hiding my feelings that much, he NHY :)
I have never once blamed him for, because you love someone dear who is the right of every person. Whether it can hurt you, that after all, just as they had their own problems alone. Shall have only themselves to blame is not good enough, his love is not big enough, not strong enough so he can step with confidence to overcome challenges together, through the hard to reach ultimate happiness alone, he right?
I promised to wait for him! Wait until you're done dream! Wait until you do what he always said that "now is not the time, so now he has to take care of you"! I will wait! I will wait for that! I promised to knit scarves for him still unfinished, I will try knitting done, whether that speech yesterday he said that while the matter say.
Brother! Even though the whole world turn against him! Although he is only around one dark night! Yes I remember that, in that gloomy darkness, there is always a small ball beside him, watching every step you take! Come on Mine! By the next time when you have to replace them the attention and care for him at that time they will automatically disappear from your life! I promise you!
"When I close my eyes, I see that I'm the person who you love the most. And even though I can not say that I love you how much, then you will always be at your side, because that - that - My Destiny ". Dumb ass!
Had I never been the same